


Irredeemable Changes

by lilys_writings_attempts_xxx



Category: This Is Where I Leave You (2014)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Character, Blow Jobs, Bratting, Cheating, Cock Tease, Divorce, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Fingerfucking, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lies, Multi, Office Sex, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, Smut, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:15:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28885959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilys_writings_attempts_xxx/pseuds/lilys_writings_attempts_xxx
Summary: The reader is a newly graduated architect who had left the country to go to college. When she returns, she goes to work at her father's construction company and her first job there is a renovation at the Altman’s store.You have known the Altmans since you were a child, but many things happened until you came back. You always had a crush on Phillip, but as he was always older than you, he always treated you like a younger sister. But now you are a grown woman... Will he still look at you with the same eyes?
Relationships: Phillip Altman & You, Phillip Altman/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Shit, shit,shit

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Just to point some general things about this fic: 
> 
> 1- I know that in the original story, the siblings come to their parent’s house because of the funeral and the shiva, and that each one probably lives in a different city. But here in this fic, everyone lives close to Hillary.  
> 2- I tried and will continue to try until the end of the story, to make the reader as neutral as possible, regarding the physical characteristics, but, sorry if at some point I end up missing something about it. *only the age I ended up stipulating one, but it was more in the context of the story*  
> 3- The reader is bisexual.
> 
> ***I'll always warn this before each fic, until I feel confident about it (which may never happen):
> 
> I'm Brazilian, so I'm sorry if my English isn't good. There are probably some phrases that would make sense in Portuguese but maybe not in English, so tell me if something doesn't make sense at all, so I can try to explain better!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading as much as I’m enjoying writing!  
> -xoxo, lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is a newly graduated architect who had left the country to go to college. When she returns, she goes to work at her father's construction company and her first job there is a renovation at the Altman’s store.
> 
> You have known the Altmans since you were a child, but many things happened until you came back. You always had a crush on Phillip, but as he was always older than you, he always treated you like a younger sister. But now you are a grown woman... Will he still look at you with the same eyes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Just to point some general things about this fic:
> 
> 1- I know that in the original story, the siblings come to their parent’s house because of the funeral and the shiva, and that each one probably lives in a different city. But here in this fic, everyone lives close to Hillary.
> 
> 2- I tried and will continue to try until the end of the story, to make the reader as neutral as possible, regarding the physical characteristics, but, sorry if at some point I end up missing something about it. *only the age I ended up stipulating one, but it was more in the context of the story*
> 
> 3- The reader is bisexual.
> 
> ***I'll always warn this before each fic, until I feel confident about it (which may never happen):  
> I'm Brazilian, so I'm sorry if my English isn't good. There are probably some phrases that would make sense in Portuguese but maybe not in English, so tell me if something doesn't make sense at all, so I can try to explain better!  
> I hope you enjoy reading as much as I’m enjoying writing!
> 
> -xoxo, lily

You are a newly graduated architect and are ready to take your first project from your father's office. It’s a renovation work, in the Altman’s Store. Your parents and the Altmans are very close friends, since you were neighbors when you were a child, but when your parents split up when you were 7, you moved to live with your mom in another city, while your father was still living there and you would always visit him and vice versa. You are very happy to participate in this project because you know that it is important for him, since his great friend, Mr. Altman, passed away a few months ago.

You always had a crush on their youngest son, Phillip, but he always treated you like his younger sister. When you moved out with your mother, at 7, he was already over 18. The times you saw him after the move was when you went to visit your father, and each time he was with a different girlfriend.

When you finished school, you already knew that you wanted to be an architect, just like your father. You left the country to study architecture when you were 19, and now you are back in your city and neighbor, graduated and 25 years old.

It was also going to be a fresh start for you after a hard time. Since it was already six months that you ended your last relationship, after caught your shit ex boyfriend, Jacob, cheating on you. You suffered a lot at the time and decided that after that, you would focus only on you and your professional life.

Today is wednesday and the day of the meeting with Mrs. Altman and her children in the office, for you to present your project proposals, since the interns already surveyed the store a few weeks ago and the family handed the project over with their eyes closed to your father’s construction company, who was always the trusted architect of the family. She was told that you would participate in the work and that the first ideas were entirely yours, and she was very excited about it.

You woke up, feeling a little anxious about your first job there. Got up, had coffee and went to shower to get ready. You had already separated your clothes the day before. Skinny jeans, with a silk dress shirt - all black - and croco pumps. Chic and professional, you thought.

Loose hair, you put on some makeup, just to brighten up your beauty, small earrings and your watch. When you looked in the mirror again, you said to yourself "Yes, definitely chic and professional. Let’s do it".

You took your purse, cell phone, notebook, car keys and left the house.

You moved closer to your father a few weeks ago, when he officially hired you and your home was 30 minutes from the office. You searched for houses in your old neighborhood, but found none. 

You were early, so you took the opportunity to stop by a coffee shop to buy coffee for you and your dad before you go to work. When you parked, you called him to find out what coffee he would like.

“Hello sweetheart”, he answered.

“Hi dad.. I'm already on my way but I decided to stop to buy us a coffee. Which one do you like the most?”

“I would love a latte now” he said and you could feel the relief and tiredness in his voice.

“Ok, your wish is an order. Are you ok?” you asked a little concerned, knowing this would be the first time he would see the Altman's family since the funeral, a few months ago.

“Yes I'm fine, I just wish he was here to see this happening, it was his dream to see his children united and working together.” He said softly.

“I know dad ... don't be sad about it, he is somewhere very happy that you are part of it.” 

“Yeah, I know.” You heard him sniffling on the other end of the line. “But what about you, are you nervous about your first project?” he said trying to change the subject.

“I'm a little scared. Maybe if it was just Mrs. Altman I would be more relaxed but with her kids there, it looks like I'm going to freak out. I haven’t seen them in a long time." You said while getting out of your car towards the coffee shop.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. Her kids are really nice people. Especially Phillip, every time he sees me, he asks for you.”

Phillip asked for you? Interesting. “Really? That’s... That’s weird. Anyway I'm going to hang up now to get our coffees, see you in a few minutes. I love you, bye." You said, taking your wallet out of your purse and continuing to walk towards the door.

Why did Phillip ask about you? It was probably just to be polite and it didn't mean anything, but you kept thinking about it, since you thought he didn't even remember you properly, because more than five years have passed since you show up.

When you were opening the door to the coffee shop, you were overwhelmed with your thoughts and did not realize that the queue was almost at the door, and ended up bumping into the last person in line, causing your wallet to fall and your cards, money and cell phone to spill on the floor.

"Shit, shit, shit! I'm sorry, I was distracted" you said looking down, kneeling on the floor to pick up your things. You didn't even realize that you ran into a really huge man.

He knelt beside you to help you pack your things, and you were mesmerized by the size of his hands when he said "I say that a lot" and a short laugh came out of his chest.

"What?" You finally looked at him and narrowed your eyes “Phillip?” You lost your breath for a second. He was more handsome than ever. So long without seeing him, you're almost forgot that he was full of spots on his face, his beautiful shaggy hair, light brown eyes, fleshy lip- 

He looked up at you surprised, “Shit! Y/L?” 

When your eyes met, it was different, it was more intense. He was no longer just a cute boy you had a crush on when you were a kid. He was a man. And what a man. And you could see that he also didn't see his little sister in you, he saw a woman. An all grown up and beautiful woman. 

After having collected all your things from the floor, the two of you got up and hugged each other. Smiling at him you nod your head trying to sound casual, “Long time no see... Oh, and sorry ... I ... I wasn't paying attention and ended up bumping into-" 

"You grew up... you look beautiful” He said smirking and quickly looking you up and down, stopping at your chest, then at your eyes and then at your chest again and clearing his throat "Oh... your shirt... your shirt is opened" you knew he was making a big effort not to look at yours tits again.

When you looked down, you saw that the top buttons on your shirt opened, probably when you bent down to grab your things and your chest was exposed - you thanked God for putting on one of your best bras today.

He was still watching your every move while you repaired your shirt, and after a few minutes of silence, the attendant at the counter shouted to call attention to the queue, since you two were the next to be served. He told you to go in front of him and you walked over to the counter and placed your order. When you finished, he came right after you to place his. All of this without stopping exchanging looks.

You sat at a table to wait for your request and he soon joined you. 

“So, how are you? What are you doing here? I thought you were studying abroad?” He asked looking at you and you could say that he was capturing every detail of your face, as if he wanted to remember you in case you left again.

“I’m good. I graduated a short time ago and went back to the city to work with my father at his construction company. I just moved a few weeks ago." You answered smiling.

“Oh yeah? I didn't know... I just came back too, I went to travel a little after my father...” he looked down and you could say he was sad to mention this. He shaked his head, “But now I'm back to help with the family business... In fact, in a little while I have to go to the construction company, with my mom and my siblings to see the new project for my father's store." He said running his hand through his hair sounding a little annoyed.

You smiled a little ashamed looking down, "Actually, the project is mine... I mean, the store is my first job at the costructor.” 

He smiled in surprise "Really? How cool!" You could feel the excitement in his voice. "I'm more excited now, I confess that I thought it would suck."

"I am also very excited, a little nervous but-" the clerk called your name and his to deliver the respective orders.

You smiled at him getting up to take your order and he did the same. He was behind you while you got the coffees and when you took a step back, bumped into his chest. Again. You looked back through your shoulder, all embarrassed and he chuckled out of the corner of his mouth and didn't move. This time it wasn't your fault, you thought. "You don't have to be nervous" He said - clearly with double meaning - looking down at you and could feel the sexual tension becoming palpable.

Your phone started ringing and he gave you space to answer and for him to take his orders. It was your father, you looked at your watch and saw that you were starting to be late. "Hello?"

"Where are you? I thought you were arriving already? Your presentation to the Altmans is in 30 minutes." Your father spoke on the phone.

“I know, sorry, the coffee shop was full." You said looking at Phillip in front of you. "I'm already leaving here, I will be there in 15 minutes." And hung up the phone.

"I gotta go." You spoke.

"Yeah, I'm late too." He said opening the door for you and holding with his foot, while holding his coffee cup with one hand and placing the other on your back as you passed through the doorway.

The walk to the car was quick and silent, with a few more exchanges of looks. When you got to your car, you saw that his was parked right next to you. A black porche... ‘What the fuck?’ you thought and watched as he put on his sunglasses and got in the car. “It was a gift.” He said seeing the questioning on your face.

"Oh no, I ... anyway, see you in the office in a little while." You said trying to change the subject since his car is none of your business.

"I can't wait to see you again" He said with a smirk. And with that he pulled out of the parking lot, accelerating more than he should. You stood still for a moment, digesting what had just happened, watching him disappear into the avenue.

When you arrived at the construction company and entered the building's lobby, you said good morning to the employees you passed by, until you arrived at your father's office. You knocked on the door and went in, it was still some minutes before the meeting started.

"Hi Dad, sorry for the delay, I had a setback on the way." You said and handed him his coffee.

"Okay, they still haven't arrived I guess. I already asked to have everything ready in the meeting room." He said taking a sip at the coffee. "Oh, don't you feel nervous, okay? I know everything will be all right."

You took a sip of your own coffee before answering, "Thanks for the support, Dad, I really appreciate your affection, but you know... it's impossible not to be nervous about my first project here! I don't want anything to go wrong."

And you were being honest. You spent years of your life studying so that when you had your first big project in hand, everything would be perfect. Altman's store was a big job, although it was just a makeover.

He held your hand in his, "you’re gonna rock." And you laughed and relaxed knowing that your father was going to be by your side. 

After some minutes, a knock on the door made you two turn to see who it was, “Mr. Y/F/N, Ms. Y/N, all the Altmans are already waiting for you in the meeting room." Said the office secretary.

"Okay, we're going now." Your father said with a smile for her, while you got up and took your notebook and cell phone out of the bag so you could go to the meeting.

You walked down the corridor and when you arrived at the meeting room door, you looked at each other and your father said "break a leg!" and winked at you. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

When you opened the door, the first thing you saw was a broad back and black hair turned towards you while talking to another equally large man, but this one was bald, Paul you supposed.

You were nervous at the time, but Mrs. Altman didn't even give you time to think straight and was already talking a little too loudly and coming towards you with open arms "Y/N how long!! Oh my God, look at you, all beautiful and grown up! " You hugged her.

"Hi Mrs. Altman, it's so good to see you" you said smiling to her.

“Oh, please, just Hillary,” You were already feeling Phillip's eyes on you again, burning in your back while you talked to his mother. Then she introduced her sons to you, "My daughter Wendy can't come, but do you remember Judd, my oldest son, Paul my middle son and Phillip, the youngest." 

"Of course I remember them, how long! How are you guys?" You were hugging each one of them as they were introduced.

When you arrived at Phillip, you finally made eye contact with him, “Good to see you again...” he whispered in your ear while hugging you, sending chills down your spine.

"I didn't know you would be here!" Paul spoke, causing you to let go of the hug.

"Oh, I graduated a little while ago and I just got back... In fact, the Altman’s store is my first big project after graduating, so I'm very excited to do this," you said, smiling from ear to ear, looking at him.

"Congratulations Y/N, this is very good! I can't wait to see what you have to show us," Judd said excitedly.

"Thank you so much! In fact, I think we can get started" you said and everyone sat down chatting and you took the opportunity to look at Phillip, who was already looking at you. He licked his lips and gave you a devilish grin, looking at you from top to bottom again, while you were trying to connect the projector to your notebook - and failing. And you felt your cunt clench and you brushed your legs together covertly, just to put a little pressure on your clit. 

You wondered if you could make it to the end of the day without kissing him if he smiled like that one more time.

You’re getting horny seconds before presenting the first big project of your life, by a guy who always treated you like his younger sister - subject that he clearly doesn't see you like anymore (or he is a perv) - in a room with your father and other people? Are you crazy? As if all the nervousness of the project presentation wasn’t enough, on top of that, it all happens to make you more nervous and embarrassed.

While you were lost in your thoughts everyone sat down, waiting for the presentation. When you saw that everything was finally ready, you looked at everyone in the room quickly to feel what the atmosphere was like.

Mrs. Altman was sitting on the left side of the table, smiling from ear to ear and looking excited to see what you had to show.

Judd, was sitting behind her, opening a notebook to take notes during the presentation but he also smiled at you.

Your father was at the end of the table, and when you looked at him, he smiled and raised his thumbs up, encouraging you.

Paul was sitting next to him, but on the right side of the table, fiddling with his cell phone, but looking up all the time, to see if you had already started.

And right in front of you and sitting in front of Paul, was Phillip, with his legs crossed, one arm resting on one leg and the other with his elbow on the table, while he ran his fingers over his mouth and stared at you ... guess what? with that smile again. That damn smile.

You looked at him for a moment and he smoothed his face. He saw that you were nervous. He nood his head, blinked and smiled at you, this time, genuinely. And as incredible as it sounds, you felt extremely calm about it. You took a deep breath, and started to introduce.

You started talking about the concept of the project and where you took care of all your ideas. You said that you talked a lot with your father about what Mr. Altman was like, the things he liked to do, who Mort Altman really was, since they had been friends for years and knew each other very well. And you made the whole proposal with him in mind.

The presentation went very well, and from time to time, you looked at each one of them to feel the reactions. They were positive from start to finish. Many smiles and some cries took over the room during the presentation.

When you finished, everyone stood up and applauded. Mrs. Altman came up to you and hugged you tight, "Thank you so much for that. I really wish Mort was here to see it."

You smiled at her as you saw Judd and Paul shaking hands with your father, and there you knew they were closing the deal.

Phillip came to you and hugged you. Again, genuinely. You could feel that he was really happy with what you showed. "Shit, shit, shit !!!" he said laughing "I can't wait to see it all done. You’re amazing. My dad would be proud to see the family business change like this. And, I’m proud of you.”

"I'm glad you liked it. I really put my heart into it, I knew it was important." You said and realized that after you guys hugged each other, he continued to hold your hands in his. You swallowed and made eye contact with him, for a moment totally forgetting where you were and apparently, he also forgot, like there were only the two of you there.

You don't know if it was Judd or Paul but one of them cleared his throat and they both came to you to congratulate you and say that now they just needed to sign the paperwork.

Mrs. Altman clapped her hands loudly to get everyone's attention, "I had an idea! How about having dinner tonight, at home to celebrate? My daughter Wendy will be there, as will the whole family. Important moment, we need to celebrate! " She said smiling at everyone in the room.

You looked at your dad to see what he was going to say, "I would love Hillary. Y/L, do you have any commitments later daughter?"

"No dad, I don't have anything." You looked at Phillip and saw him biting his lower lip smiling and looking away.

"What about you boys?" Mrs. Altman asked.

"As if we have a choice!" Paul spoke up making everyone laugh.

You made eye contact with Phillip again and he said just for you to hear, "Actually, she ruined my plans ... I was going to ask you out to dinner, you know, just the two of us, to celebrate...” 

You smiled looking down and bit your lip. You fought internally not to flirt back 'don't say that, don't say that, don't say that'... "You can take me out to dinner another day, you know, just the two of us, to celebrate..." And you looked at him with an innocent smile.

But what the fuck were you doing? You came here to work and not to get involved with anyone. Especially Phillip, who was practically family, and who you knew was a... womanizer. Always with a different girlfriend, in fact, is he dating now and still flirting with you? You wondered. The fact that he is taller now, stronger, has fuller lips, more intense eyes, longer hair, bigger hands and that you have always had a crush on him and now he is finally giving you a different kind of attention, can’t be reason enough for you to change your mind.

While you were lost in your thoughts everyone was saying goodbye and leaving the room. You quickly went out and hugged Paul, Judd and Hillary, while she said that dinner was tomorrow at eight and that she was waiting for you there.

Phillip came after you to say goodbye, and put his hand on the small of your back while walking around to face you. You realized he was so taller than you - and you were wearing high heels - that you had to bend your head up to be able to look into his eyes through your eyelashes.

He slid his hand down your back and stopped at your hip, giving it a squeeze. He bent down and kissed your right cheek and tightened his grip. He went to the left cheek, gave another kiss, too close to the corner of your mouth, by the way, and then spoke right in your ear, "See you tomorrow...". His husky voice sent chills down your spine and you had to put your legs together once again. He seems to have realized that this time, because he tightened his grip even more.

With that, you look right into his eyes, “Can’t wait ..." And this time, you gave him a devilish grin and looked at his lips, weting yours. Fuck it, if he will play, you will too. Your breathing became heavy and you really thought he was going to kiss you there, in the middle of the hall. Or maybe you would.

Some seconds later, you got real and looked around and saw his mother pat your father on the arm looking at you two, making your father raise his eyebrows at you. Phillip noticed it too and stepped back, clearing his throat and starting to walk towards the exit, where his mother and his brothers were talking to your father. Thank goodness the hall was empty, and no one saw you all melting down for a man in the middle of working hours on your first day.

You also walked towards the door to say a last goodbye to everyone and stood by your father's side, watching them all go towards to their respective cars.

Phillip smiled at you one last time from the parking lot, through the glass wall of the facade, before getting into his car and leaving.

"What was that?" Your father said making you turn your head to him.

“What was what?” You asked surprised.

“You and Phillip? What is going on?” 

"Nothing, we just... missed each other", you looked away.

"He's not good for you." He said seriously. "I love Phillip, he's like a son to me, but he's a..." He stopped and you looked at him, "Look, I just don't want you to get hurt again. Just... just be careful, ok?" He said softly.

You were taken aback by this. You didn't know what to say and just nodded.

He left you alone to go back to his office. He was right and you knew it. But, what could be so bad though?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the outfit idea I propose for the reader's first day at work:  
> https://pin.it/1GNTc84
> 
> What I thought about the meeting room is something like this:  
> https://pin.it/1suylal
> 
> And what I imagined for the building's facade with parking in front:  
> https://pin.it/1n8mpVu
> 
> The smut will come in the next chapter (sorry) and will be posted real soon! :)


	2. Too close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip took a deep breath and squinted his eyes with his fingers before looking at you saying your name softly, "... You know this is a dangerous game. Your dad would never forgive me if-"
> 
> "He doesn't need to know. And you're a man and you're older, what are you so afraid of?", You asked, looking up in defiance.
> 
> "Exactly. I'm older. And our families are very friendly, I don't want to cause problems and destroy this. Also, I don't want to end up hurting you." He was genuinely concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know that I made a small change, dinner is on the same day as the presentation. I was going to put it on the next day, but I had other ideas.  
> Anyway, enjoy!

The day passed and you couldn't stop thinking about Phillip. And you couldn't stop thinking about what your father said either. Shit.

Arriving home around six in the afternoon, you went straight to see what you would wear later.

You chose a short white lace dress, very casual and sexy in the right measure, because after all, you were going to a family dinner.

Although you are really trying to hold on to the idea that you don't want to be involved even casually with anyone right now, there was something about Phillip that made you forget about it completely.

You got in the shower and remembered how Phillip's hands made you feel warm between your legs earlier. You closed your eyes thinking about it and it was stronger than you, when you started to caress your breasts, putting one hand down your belly and start caressing all the places that only you know how you like to be touched.

Starting to rub your clit with one hand, you go up with the other to squeeze the breasts again, and you kept going up scratching yourself with your nails, pulling your own hair close to your neck, making you whimper softly.

Thinking about how his hands would make you feel, if he was going to touch you in the places you like to be touched, if he was going to kiss you in the places you like to be kissed. Your mind started to drive you crazy, imagining Phillip touching you in all the right places.

Leaning against the wall, you stuck two fingers in and out of your pussy with one hand, while with the other you continued to play with your clit. Moaning his name, you knew you’re close, until... your phone rings.

“Shit!”, cleaning up quickly and turning off the shower, you wrapped yourself in a towel and ran to answer the cell phone that was on the bed.

It was your father. "Hi dad," you replied with a heavy breath, as you returned to the bathroom to dry your hair with another towel.

"Hi sweetheart, did something happen? Why that voice?" He asked worriedly.

"Oh, hm... Nothing. I was taking a shower and ran to answer the phone, that's all." You explained quickly since 'I was about to come but you disturbed me' wasn’t an adequate answer.

"Got it... are you going to take too long to get ready? I'm leaving the office already and I wanted to know if you want a ride to the Altmans?"

"Yeah, sure, I would love to. I'll get ready real quickly. Honk when you arrive." You said with the phone stuck between your shoulder and ear, to put your panties on.

"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes."

When you hung up the phone, you quickly dried your hair and went to get dressed. You were a little sulky for not having come in the shower, but it was nothing that you couldn't finish when you got back home.

Putting on your favorite perfume you looked at yourself in the mirror. You thought you look beautiful. And hot at the right point. Your hair was in a ponytail, with a few loose strands in the bangs and the outfit you chose further enhanced with the small panties you were wearing underneath, matching the color of the dress. It doesn't matter that no one was seeing. But who knows?

You heard the horn.

Arriving at the Altman’s, you saw the black porche. You took a deep breath before rang the bell and a smiling woman greeted you and your father, "Hi!! You must be Y/N! I heard a lot about you today" She hugged you tight, and you already loved her energy.

"Um... Nice to meet you" you said smiling back at her.

Mrs. Altman appeared shortly after, "Ah, here you are! This is Annie, Paul's wife." She explained and hugged you while Annie hugged your father. 

Now you remembered her... but didn't she dated Judd? Well, whatever.

"Come in, everyone is already here!" Annie said, taking your hand and pulling you inside. You had a bag with two bottles of white wine in your other hand.

When you arrived in the living room, everyone was talking, and Hillary spoke very loudly to get everyone's attention, "Look who is here!" you felt your cheeks burning with so much attention turned to you.

You smiled at everyone and as you didn't know what to say, you lifted the bag and said "Hi guys... I ...I brought wine".

"Thanks to the good Lord!" A woman said coming towards you and reaching out to you. "I am Wendy, do you remember me? The blessed fruit of the family" since she was the only woman among the siblings. 

"Yes, of course I remember you...” You said smiling but looking around, looking for... you know who.

"Ah, do you mind?" She said, already taking the bag out of your hand and opening it to see the bottles. "My favorite! You seem to get everything right" Wendy said, smiling at you, while opening a bottle to put a glass for her.

After that, you and your dad went to talk to the other people in the room. It was a mix of 'wow, you grew up!', 'I thought you wouldn't be coming back here' and ''I'm looking forward to see how the store will look after the renovation'. And also, you found out that in addition to now Paul being married to Annie, Judd is dating Penny. And... No Phillip so far.

Then, you went to the kitchen to help Hillary, as much as she insisted you didn't have to. You were throwing the syrup on the cake and looking around covertly, when she said smiling "He’s taking a shower, he arrived just before you.” 

"Oh... Ah, I...-“ You didn't even know how to respond, embarrassed that you got caught in the act. Then you put your eyebrows together in confusion. I mean, how did she know you were looking for Phillip?

"Oh you know, I'm not stupid. I saw you two earlier today. You are no longer his youngest sister. You have become a very attractive woman Y/N. I’m not surprised that he is unable to hold his-“

"Look who is here!" You heard a voice behind you and you already knew who it was. You turned your head so you could look at him over your shoulder, but before you knew it, he was bending down to kiss your cheek, making his lips almost touch yours. Too close.

"Sorry, I-" You turned complete to him and started to apologize but he buried you.

"I do not." He said quietly just for you to hear and glancing at your lips for a second.

His hair was wet and he was shirtless. His shirt was slung over his shoulder for him to wear, but not before he ran his finger over the cake syrup behind you on the counter and licked his finger, smirking and watching you get lost in his physique.

"You look beautiful in that dress." He said smirking.

You cleared your throat, “T-thank you.” And looked him in the eye while trying to breath normal and fighting the urge to look again at his lips, at his body... 'Damn it, put yourself together,' you thought, shaking your head to think straight.

Suddenly, you remembered that you were not alone and closed your eyes in shame, knowing that Hillary watched this whole scene. You felt like a teenager.

And again, she seemed to read your thoughts: "You can pretend I'm not here darling" Hillary said, smiling softly. "Phillip, why don't you show her the garden makeover while I'm done here?" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Shall we?" he said pointing to the door that led to the outside of the house and putting on his shirt.

"Okay...", you passed in front of him, feeling his hand on the small of your back as he walked you to a balcony in the garden.

"Looks different here... I like it", you turned your face to him and smiled shy but genuinely.

"I like it too. It was my father's idea" he started, putting his hand in his pocket looking for his pack of cigarettes.

"It looks like he would be a good architect." you smiled softly, while supporting both elbows behind you, on the balcony’s railing.

It was different how you managed to move from sexual tension to a more moving subject so naturally.

"Do you smoke?" he asked extending the pack to you as he approached where you were but then, he paused, "Wait, isn't it weird to offer you a cigarette?"

"I am no longer a child, Phillip." You giggled and took a cigarette out of the pack. He came closer to light the cigarette for you, before taking one for himself and doing the same.

He copied your position, resting his arms on the railing, but while you were facing the house, he was facing the landscape.

"Yeah, you really don't look like a kid anymore." He whispered. "So, who are you now?" he asked exhaling the smoke.

"What do you mean? You know who I am" You raised your eyebrows, confused.

“I mean, years have passed... A lot must have happened. You no longer look like that little girl I used to know”, he was still looking ahead while you turned to look at him.

You stopped for a moment to process what he said, "Hm...Sorry, I don't think I know how to answer-“

"You say 'sorry' a lot now. You shouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? I do?" You asked confused.

"You don't have to apologize for being who you are." He looked you right in the eye. "Here, I'll tell you what I think, okay?" He turned to you, "Considering the fact that I haven't seen you for years, I basically met you again today, and you've already caused a whirlwind of emotions in me."

“I did?” You asked even more confused. He was being so cute, you were all melted. That's why so many girlfriends, you thought. Damn, he's good.

"Yes. At first I thought you were just the same clumsy little girl, bumping into me at the coffee shop." He said laughing softly.

"So I looked at you properly and...", he looked you up and down and smirked, "you grew up, you know? You are a woman now. One of the good ones, by the way" He raised his hands and shoulders.

You twisted your head and and rolled your eyes, laughing awkwardly.

"Then, you started the presentation at the office. Your mind is brilliant. I wanted to know what's inside because the project you showed, it was certainly my father's dream and he didn't even know it. He would be so happy right now." He smiled looking at the floor.

"And when I was leaving, when we said goodbye..." He looked away, biting his lower lip, "It was there that I realized that you weren't a little girl anymore. I felt like a fucking perv." He laughed but then became serious looking you in the eyes, "I missed you."

You definitely didn't expect this. Caught you off guard.

"I don't know what to say. I..." You whispered. You were so confused that you couldn't formulate a sentence.

He watched every little movement of your confused face, while you processed all that he said. Until his gaze fell on your lips, "I really want to kiss you right now, but I think it is wrong somehow." He finally admitted.

Silence.

You wanted to. Very much. But at the same time, you didn't want to be easy and silly, you remembered what your father said and as much as he also made you feel things - many things - you were still holding on to the idea of not getting involved. He was just a womanizer trying to get what he wants, that's why he said those things, you thought.

It could be just a kiss, a one time thing, but you didn't know if you were prepared for it. Especially knowing that it wouldn't be so casual as you basically work for him now and you guys would see each other almost every day. And you can't have your heart broken again.

Despite all that, your carnal desire was calling and you were about to give up on the fear and kiss him, because, you know what? Fuck it. It's not like you want something serious now anyway, you could just... have a little fun.

Your mind was racing, trying to decide what to do, and apparently, his too. Before you knew it, the silence had become a kind of yes.

You leaned towards him while he seemed to be fighting internally between a 'must or must not do this' but gave in to your attitude. When your lips were almost touching, you heard someone nearby.

"Uncle Phillip, I pooped!" you heard a child's voice and quickly cleared your throat and took a step back.

Phillip looked you in the eye and straightened up before moving his attention to the approaching child, "Hi Cole, how cool, I do this all the time!" He said in a playful tone making you laugh.

It was as if a relief hit the air. Someone showed up to interrupt before you guys did something stupid. Both you and Phillip had their reasons for being cautious. You, for fear of getting hurt again. Him, because he always treated you like a younger sister and now that's at least... weird. Although you have no biological link, you did have a familiar link. And that should make you take a step back.

"Hey you two, dinner is almost served!" Wendy appeared at the door to the garden. “Come on Cole”.

Phillip blew out a breath that he probably didn't even know he was holding, "Shall we?" He said with a understandable smile, throwing the cigarette away and starting to walk to the door as you did the same.

Arriving in the dining room you saw that everyone was already seated and Phillip sat where there were two empty chairs and looked at you, signaling you to sit next to him. You thought straight and went to sit next to your father. He rolled his eyes but smiled.

The dinner was very good, many exchanges of looks between you two, lots of praise for your project for the family’s store and some stories about Mort and his penis. Hillary really was a little crazy.

When everyone was done, you started helping Hillary, cleaning the table. You saw your father talking to Phillip while they were drinking a nightcap.

You said your goodbyes to everyone and went to talk to your father who was still with Phillip: "Hi dad, just to tell you that I'm going to order a cab and I'm already leaving. I intend to arrive at the office tomorrow early to start solving the work".

"I would stay a little longer, but if you want I can take you home." He asked you.

"Oh no, you're already close to home, you don't need to-"

"I’ll do it." Phillip interrupted you.

"No, you don't-" You immediately felt self conscious of him taking you home. If in an room full of people it was already difficult to resist, imagine if you are alone with him. But again, he interrupted you.

"I insist. I will not let you go by cab alone." He said as if your idea was the most stupid thing in the world.

You looked at your father and he raised his eyebrows. 

"Fine." You said rolling your eyes. 

The way home was smoother than you thought. He seemed genuinely interested in how the whole move was going, what the rest of your first day at work had been like and if you were enjoying being back. But when he stopped in front of your door, it seemed that all the sexual tension had returned. At least for you.

Some reasons for you to not being able to hold yourself back have emerged; The fact that he is even more handsome in the moonlight, that he was kind to bring you home and showed interest in your life along the way, plus the fact that you had two glasses of wine at dinner and not having managed to come earlier in the shower... it was really shaking your judgment at the moment.

Turning to him, you asked, "Do you want to come in?", Seeing the hesitation on his face, you kept trying to sound casual, "I have a few bottles of whiskey that I bought when I was at the exchange... I don’t like it so was going to give it to my father but, I don't know, maybe you want to try it? I can give to you."

His face seemed to relax and he smiled at you, "It's hard to say no to a whiskey."

Entering the living room, you saw that there were still some moving boxes lying around and soon became embarrassed, "Oh, sorry for the mess... I'm still finishing up with some things."

"Stop apologizing, kid." he snorted a laugh. "If you see my house, you will be relieved by your mess."

"First of all, I already told you that I'm not a kid anymore. I'm 25! And second, do you live alone? I thought you were living with Hillary." You questioned while making your way to the kitchen to get the bottle of whiskey.

"Wow, she's 25 years old, what an old lady!" He joked, "I lived abroad for a while too, but after my father passed away, I decided to go back to the city to be close to my mom and the family business. And you know, I'm 36 years old. As much as I am the youngest, I am already old to live with my mother. " He explained to you, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Um, I get it. Sir." You joked back, trying to reach the bottles that, since you were not going to drink, you had kept it on top of the cupboards. 

Phillip saw that you were having a hard time reaching out and soon came to help you, "Here, let me help you", he was right behind you, and again, too close.

Feeling his chest glued to your back did not help the accumulated lust that you were trying to keep for yourself and the brat that existed in you, made you raise your ass just a little bit, to see what his reaction was. 

He didn’t make much effort to pick up the bottle, since he was much taller than you and then took a step back, placing the bottle on the sink counter in front of you.

You could see he was trying to avoid you. You should do the same for probably many more reasons than he did, but seeing if he could resist you was much more interesting.

"Thanks." You smiled at him innocently and poured two glasses of whiskey. "Oh, we can sit on the couch, since as you can see, I still don't have a dinner table." You teased.

Sitting on the sofa and taking a sip of your whiskey, you immediately made an ugly face, "Oh my god, I'm definaly not a whiskey person."

"Why did you buy whiskey if you don't like it? Oh, I already know, is that wiskey is a big people thing." He made fun of you.

"Actually, I bought it because I think it's sexy for a woman to drink whiskey. It breaks the taboo that it's a man's drink." You said teasing and looking him in the eye.

"You don't have to drink whiskey to be sexy." He replied looking away.

"Hm, so do you think I'm sexy?" You asked biting your bottom lip. You didn't know if it was you or the weather, but definitely the weather was heating up in the room.

Hesitating before answering again, he decided that the best way out was to keep making jokes, "You are a child. I am not a perv." He snorted an embarrassed laugh.

"But you admitted that you wanted to kiss me earlier." Oh ‘what a fun game’, you thought.

"I know but-"

"Do you still want it?" You were teasing him from head to toe. Your voice, your gaze, the way you positioned your legs on the couch, showing a little too much of your upper thigh.

Phillip took a deep breath and squinted his eyes with his fingers before looking at you saying your name softly, "... You know this is a dangerous game. Your dad would never forgive me if-"

"He doesn't need to know. And you're a man and you're older, what are you so afraid of?", You asked, looking up in defiance.

"Exactly. I'm older. And our families are very friendly, I don't want to cause problems and destroy this. Also, I don't want to end up hurting you." He was genuinely concerned.

"You wouldn't hurt me." Now your voice was a whisper. He brought a reminder of everything you didn't want to happen when you got back to the city. Get involved. Especially with a person that you will see constantly. You have never had such a complex internal battle between reason and desire.

"Of course not. I care about you. I always did. But..." You could see that he was also in an internal struggle, but his, was to find a way to say that he is a womanizer, always was and always will be. It won't be a girl in her twenties who will make him change.

Reading his mind, you replied "This can be one time thing. Or it can just be casual. Just don't fall in love with me." The stubborn brat in you spoke louder, again.

Once again he snorted a laugh, as if you had said the most impossible thing in the world. He looked away and didn't answer.

Feeling a little rejected by his lack of response, you got tired of trying. You can come with your fingers and toys tonight. But first, just a last tease to show what he's missing.

"Okay. You know what, I'm tired. You know where the exit is." You said getting up from the couch and he looked up to look at you. You started walking to your room, lifting the dress you were wearing over your head, leaving you only on your panties. You could feel his eyes burning in you from behind. Before reaching the end of the corridor, you turned to him with your exposed tits and said teasingly, "Have a good night," and disappeared from his view.

You didn't go to your room. You stayed hidden in the corner, watching Phillip's reaction. Even if he decided to leave, just to see him leaning back on the sofa, struggling to resist the urge to go to you, it was worth the night.

But to your mistake, he stood up abruptly, ran his hand through his hair and whisper "fuck it", before going in the direction you had gone.

Running to your room, you pretended to be adjusting the sheets on your bed when you felt him behind you, in the door frame. "I thought you were leaving." You said holding a smile, without looking at him.

When you turned to him, his hands were on you, throwing you on the bed and before you knew it he was on top of you, holding your arms above your head.

"You like to tease, um?" he asked you in a harsh voice.

Once again raising your head in defiance, you bit your bottom lip and looking directly at his lips, you whispered, "I like it. What you are gonna do about it?"

He did not respond with words. Instead, he ran one hand all over your body while the other still held your arms above your head.

Putting one of your breasts in his mouth, he started sucking slowly and wet, making you moan softly as you felt his hand continue to travel down your body.

Going to lick and give attention to your other tit, his hand arrived where you wanted. He ran his hand over your thighs, squeezing and stroking and you knew you were already dripping. In fact, you were already dripping since when the conversation started to warm up in the living room.

He squeezed the inside of your thighs and stroked your pussy through your panties, avoiding your entrance and your clit.

It was driving you crazy. You were desperate for some pressure on your clit, "Phillip, please..." You moaned softly with a heavy breath.

"I thought you liked provocation?" He looked up to see the mess he had already caused on you. You didn't even look like that challenging girl from two or three minutes ago. It didn't take long for you to be completely surrendered and melted by him. And he didn't even kissed you yet.

"And I thought you wanted to kiss me", you replied raising your head to find his lips with yours.

Moving away from you, he released you and got on his knees in front of you. Hesitating again. "Once we do that, we can't go back. You know that, right?" he looked you in the eye.

Sitting down, you threw his massive body on the bed and straddled him. "All I know is that I want you." And you started to kiss him, while he relented and his hands quickly found your hips and ass.

Breaking the kiss to take his shirt off, it was your cue to work on his belt and pants. When he was only in his naked under you, you bent down again and bit his lower lip, while rolling on his dick slowly.

"Do you like this?" you asked while lowering your hand and started to lightly caress his hard - big - dick.

"I would prefer with nothing in between," Phillip replied, squeezing your ass and pulling your panties to the side, before wetting his fingers in your folds and sticking a finger in you.

Whining for the new and welcome intruder, you started rubbing your clit on the head of his penis as he slowly finger fucked you, making you roll your eyes behind your head.

"Fuck, you're so fucking sexy..." he said and your desire increased by one hundred percent due to his harsh and low voice in your ear and you could have sworn you felt a hot liquid coming down your walls, making you even more wet.

Taking his finger out of you slowly, you aligned his dick with your entrance and slowly lowered yourself down on him, "Fuuuck", you moaned softly. Without warning, he squeezed your ass with both hands and brought you all the way down, making you whimper loudly and lose your breath for a second.

"Aaah fuck, you are so tight," he moaned closing his eyes, immersing himself in the pleasure that your pussy was giving him.

After adjusting to his size, you started to roll like before, but now with nothing in between. Just his cock on your cunt. It felt like paradise. Just like you thought it would be. He would kiss and bite your neck, hit your weaknesses well, leaving you completely insane.

When he saw that you were starting to shake involuntarily, he threw you with your back on the bed, returning to the position on top of you.

Taking off your panties completely and placing your legs against his chest, he thrusted again, started to increase his pace and frantically hit your right spot, making you moan uncontrollably. You knew you were close and by the pulse of his dick inside you, you knew he was too.

Bending down and leaning on his arms over you with your legs still on his chest, Phillip increased the pace even more, the noise of skin to skin mixing with groans and grunts in the room. "You are... so fucking deep... ohmygodohmygodohmygodyesdontfuckingstopdontfuckingstop" you sang to him under your breath.

He kissed you deeply. Tongues dancing wilding in each other's mouth, hot breath being exchanged in between the gasps for air. 

Looking down, his jaw tensed and his mouth agape as he watched your bodies meet. Moving his eyes back to you, he said "Come to me."

That was it. All the air was punched out your lungs while your whole body shook. You wanted to groan, scream, make any sound but you just forgot how you breathe.

Phillip continued with the fast pace until you feel him start to thrust erratically, "Are you on the pill?"

You nodded pathetically, while descending from your high, but your body was still tense due to over-stimulation of the strong thrusts of his hip.

"Can I come inside you?" he asked again through clenched teeth.

"Yeah... give it to me." You said looking into his eyes.

And then you felt it. Hot spurts of his cum paint your inner walls. "F-Fuuuck" Phillip groaned loudly as he bit your shoulder. You stayed there, still with involuntary spasms, receiving everything he was giving you.

You still remain like that for a few moments, catching your breath, until he slowly took it out of you and collapsed beside you. You were both silent, looking at the ceiling.

Finally, you decided to break the silence, turning on your stomach and putting your ass up, "so, this will be a one time thing?"

Turning his face to you, Phillip looked you up and down, watching every detail of your naked, sweaty body beside him, "Probably not." He snorted a laugh, shaking his head. "We just need to be careful. And don't get too close."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I thought about the dress :)  
> https://br.pinterest.com/pin/816699713675523725/


	3. Cold-Hearted Slut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then, you realized that it makes no difference if you repeat the figure. What you went through a few months ago made you create stone walls that are way too high to break. Your heart in ruins and your shattered soul, was very well buried within those walls.
> 
> The wound was large. But it healed. Now you wanted to be despotic of your own life.
> 
> You could heal your carnal desires without saying goodbye anymore. If it was good and you wanted more, you would have more. No more 'one time thing' bullshit. New rules. New you. After all, no one can break a void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make it very clear, that the intention here isn't to create some kind of incestuous relationship. Ew, by the way. You and Phillip have known each other forever, have a family bond during childhood and then this is kind of broken by life issues. Your parents separate, you move, you go to another country to study and each one of you goes on with their life. You grew up, you are a beautiful and older woman now. Everything can happen. I'm not disgusting okay? Okay.
> 
> One more thing, this chapter openly portrays a scene of cheating. If this is a trigger for you, please don't read the first part.
> 
> Enjoy :)

6 months before

"I'm so happy for him, I know how badly he wanted this." You told your best friend, Nicole. You were getting ready to surprise your boyfriend, Jacob, as today was a special day: he was hired at the company he wanted so much. You met him in college, he also studied architecture. He graduated a few months before you, since he was a year older, but you guys did some classes together.

"Yeah, he just kept talking about it again and again and again." Nicole said a little annoyed, sitting next to you on the floor and in front of the mirror, helping you get your hair done.

Nicole was your best friend and the two of you shared a small loft near the college. She didn't like Jacob very much. There was no specific and apparent reason, but she said that his energy didn’t match hers and some bullshit like that.

At the time, you worked as a waitress some nights, so you could pay the rent and have money to have fun. Your parents helped you by sending money, but with the expensive books and all the material needed for the architecture school, it wasn’t enough.

"Where are you two going?" She asked.

"We are not going out, it's just a surprise visit. I asked if he wanted to go out to celebrate, but he said he was tired and that we could celebrate on the weekend." You said getting up and taking one last look in the mirror.

"So why are you getting all dressed up?" Nicole asked confused.

"I don't know, I just wanted to look good for him. And... let's just say, I'm wearing a special surprise for him under my dress." You giggled.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, have fun then."

You were genuinely happy for Jacob. He was a very special person in your life and, if he was happy, automatically you were too.

But the worry was starting to knock on your door, since you were going to graduate in a short time and your plan was always to go back to your city and work with your father. Once he got the job, it meant that you either gave up going back to be with him - which you certainly wouldn't do - or, that you would have to date at a distance.

Jacob was your first real love. You had a few boyfriends here and there but with him, it was different.

In the beginning, when you met Jacob, it was instantaneous. It was intense. You were completely obsessed with him and with everything you were living. It was beautiful and it was real. It was even draining at times, when you had to stay away from him for any reason. But when you were together, it was delusional. Magical. You were sure it was him that you were going to marry, have children and make a family with, it could only be him. It was scary the way you let go and forgot everything so you could be with him. But it was always worth it.

But in recent times, things have changed a bit. It wasn't entirely bad. It just wasn't... as magical as it was in the beginning. You were together for two years now and you still felt something intense for him, but the relationship no longer had the same flame as when you first met. It was no longer so light. You've been fighting a lot for jealousy lately. Resentments increased. Doubts. Uncertainty. Insecurity.

Despite all that, you still kept the idea that it could just be a phase. Relationships have these kind of bullshit. It's not always good. But how scary it is. Looking at the person you love and being able to see, that you only have two possibilities in that relationship: Forever or not. Everything or nothing.

When you arrived at Jacob's house that night, you were willing to put all the problems aside. Without discussion. Painless. Just shared joy and invest to find those butterflies in your stomach that you once had.

Jacob lived with two friends from college and they always had lots of parties there. This was normal and fun for you at first. Now it pissed you off a little. There was always a woman in the house. But when you questioned that, he always said it was because of his friends, Ryan and David, that the girls were there.

Today was no different. The door was unlocked and there was music inside. When you opened it, you came face to face with Ryan sitting on the couch kissing a woman who was straddling him. Thank goodness you caught the scene in the beginning and they were still dressed.

"Y/N, what the fuck are you doing here?" He asked as soon as he saw you. His face was a mixture of fright and worry.

"I came to see my boyfriend?" as if it were the most obvious thing in the world - and it was - you answered by walking past him and the girl, towards Jacob's room. You guessed he was still awake, due to the sound of some Travis Scott songs reverberating all over the house.

"Wow, your dress is amazing, you look beautiful." The unknown girl scored gently.

“Thank you.” You smiled weirdly at her.

Ryan quickly lifted the woman of off his lap and jumped off the couch, walking abruptly toward you.

"He said he was tired. He must be asleep already." He said quickly and stopped right in front of you, breathing hard and his eyes were wide.

"I thought you were busy, why do you care?" You said looking towards the girl sitting on the couch and trying to get past him.

"It's just that I... I really think he needs to rest, he-" At this point, Ryan was already holding your biceps and trying to push you back.

"Let me go!" You said a little too loudly trying to get rid of him. You knew there was something going on.

"No, wait, let me see if he-"

"Get. Out. Of my fucking way. Now." It sounded more like an order this time.

Ryan released you slowly, but remained in front of you. He took a deep breath and looked you straight in the eye, "You don't have to see this," he whispered.

You immediately felt sick. An unbearable nausea. It was as if your stomach had dropped from your body.

Pushing him with all the strength you had, you took fire steps towards Jacob's room. Your whole body throbbed with frustration and disgust, anticipating the scene you were about to see.

And then you saw it. It was as if all the feelings you were anticipating drowned you in a black sea of pain. If it weren't for the music, it would certainly be possible to hear the sound of your heart breaking miles away.

Jacob was fucking a woman from behind, on the bed that so many times before, you guys made love. Darkness washed over your entire soul.

He saw you there, in a catatonic state, absorbing the reality flooding you, standing at his bedroom doorway, and quickly stopped everything he was doing.

"Y/N, I can explain," he said as he put on his underwear and the woman covered herself ashamed of being caught.

You didn't feel anything more when you heard his voice. Not even pain. Nor sadness. Nor anger. Just a big void filling you.

"Don't waste your time. I got it." You whispered. Your whole face was shaking, your eyelids, your cheeks, your lips.

Soon you turned your tracks towards the exit, without the courage to look at Ryan, or at the unknown girl on the sofa, or at David who appeared in the corridor in the meantime too.

But as soon as you put your hand in the lock on the door, someone pulled you by the forearm to stop you. You could feel the despair on Jacob's face when you turned to him.

He asked for forgiveness a thousand times only during the five seconds that you let him hold you. You barely heard it. The words danced loose in your ear and you were feeling dizzy.

"Don’t touch me." It was all you managed to say. Your gaze couldn’t focus on anything around you as you searched your brain, trying to understand how stupid you might have been.

"Please baby... Let me explain. I swear it was just a one time thing... I'm an asshole, I promise it won't happen again." He sounded desperate.

You looked him straight in the eye searching for answers but remained silent.

"I'm so sorry baby... Please, I love you so much..." He said while searching for your hands, trying to hug you as if that would solve everything. You took a step back.

Understanding finally hit your blood. "You don't love me, Jacob."

"I do. I just-"

Suddenly, the void was filled and you felt everything at once. The pain. The sadness. The anger. You used all your strength to maintain your composure and not let sadness be superior to other feelings at that moment. You couldn't collapse in front of him and the audience behind you. "I don't want your miserable love, I don't need it. You can give it to someone else." you snorted with hatred. And then, you left.

Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken.

You woke up before Phillip. The perception that you were too fast and irrational immersed. You went straight to the bathroom to take a shower and try to wash away the guilt of your body. One day. One day it was enough for you to give in to his charms. What a great idiot.

A very clear rule that you had in your mental notes since everything you went through six months ago, was not to have sex with anyone you know or that you had a chance to see again. Whenever you were going to have sex, it would be a one time thing. Just like Jacob told you. It often lives in your head. One time thing. But it’s good. No drama, no stress, no misunderstanding, no expectation. Painless.

Having sex with people you didn't know was always easier. Go to a bar, a club, a party, anything like that, and throw your charms on a man or woman to get what you want and need. Heal your carnal desires. And then, goodbye.

After all the shit with Jacob, Phillip was the first person that you knew and got involved with. And there was so much wrong things with this situation. Let's list:

1- You have known each other since you were a child and he always treated you like a little sister. He will regret it.

2- You already had a crush on him. The chance for you to relive this, create expectations where there's nothing and get hurt, is huge.

3- Your families are friends, this can be a great inconvenience and affect the friendship of your families.

4- Your father adores Phillip as a son but everything has limit. He knows that Phillip is a womanizer and would not forgive him if he made you suffer. More problems between families.

5- He is eleven years older than you. Not that you have problems with this, it's even sexy the idea of being with someone more experienced, but this is new to you and can be a trigger for several insecurities.

6- You can't just avoid him. You are the architect hired by his family to renovate one of the most profitable businesses in the family. Meetings at the office, meetings at the store, meetings at the building supply store to choose products. Holy shit.

7- You were friends. It was strange since you were at different stages in life, but he was always very kind to you. He protected you from the bad boys at school, helped you learn to ride a bike, even got to pick you up at school friends' house, when your dad and your mom were busy working. At that time, everything was so innocent. He never laid a finger on you. Always respected you and took care of you. Like an older brother... Oh, shit! Of all the people in the world, you decided not to hold your pussy right with him. Great.

Your thoughts were interrupted by something buzzing in the room. You got out of the shower and wrapped yourself in the towel, thinking it was your cell phone. You took a while to find where the noise came from, but finally found that it was from Phillip's pants pocket that was lying on the floor.

To your surprise, he was still sleeping and didn't hear it. He has a deep sleep and he sleeps like a baby. Cute, you thought. Anyway, taking his cell phone, you saw two missed calls and a message.

Chelsea: 'Where are you? Why don't you answer me?'

Oh, great.

8- He possibly has a girlfriend.

You would never forgive him if he had cheated someone with you. You know how it hurts. You soon went to wake him up.

"Hey... Phillip, wake up" Nothing. "Phillip, you need to wake up." You were shaking him gently but he looked like a rock in your bed. You patted him on the back and finally heard a grunt. "Hey, good morning, sleeping beauty."

"Um... What time is it?" He was groggy, probably only fifty percent awake yet.

"Seven. I need to go to work now, don't you?" Your gaze traveled lightly over his naked body on your bed. You had to take a deep breath and close your eyes tight before making any more mistakes. "C'mon your girlfriend is calling you"

Finally he opened his eyes, struggling to adjust his view to the brightness of the day that filled your room. "Girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend." He said as he tried to sit up, rubbing his eyes.

"Well, your cell phone was ringing." You said while going towards the closet to choose your clothes for the day. Less bad, he doesn't have a girlfriend.

"She is not my girlfriend. She is my ex." Phillip answered you when he took the cell phone that you threw on the bed for him. “Were you messing with my cell phone?"

"It was unintentionally, something was vibrating and I saw it was coming from your clothes." Putting on your panties and bra in the bathroom, so he doesn't see you naked - not that he hadn't already seen - you didn't even realize that you invaded his privacy.

"Um... Okay. It's not important, by any means." Going back to your closet, you saw that he was already on his feet, getting dressed. "I think we need to talk about what happened. Nobody can know about us-"

"It won't happen again. And no, no one will know. It was stupid, irrational and irresponsible. And it definitely won't happen again." You spoke quickly while putting any dress, since you were out of patience to think of a more elaborate outfit.

This took him by surprise. "Hm... Okay. But I thought that-"

"This is not going to get us anywhere. It will only cause trouble." You said coming back from the closet, facing him.

"Damn, why you have to be so sexy" he murmured just for him to hear, rubbing hands over his face when he saw you in a tight red dress.

"What?" You heard it but pretended not to.

"Nothing. You're right. That was stupid and it can't happen again." He said nodding his head and now gesturing with his hands.

"Good." That was all you answered. After that, you stayed for long seconds looking at each other.

A sudden tension started to form in the room.

A powerful desire for something you know is bad. That is not certain, but it is almost irresistible.

You could feel him touching you without using his hands. It was like a poison to want to feel him again. You were both burning with desire for each other at that moment. It was making you feel kind of feline. Craving for his kiss. Starving for his touch. What a punishment.

"I better go." He said after taking a deep breath, breaking the silence and tension.

"Yeah, yeah... Hm, I'm going... I'm going to take you to the door." A wave of conscience sank you. Thank God.

Arriving at the door, you looked like two strangers, not knowing how to say goodbye. You were avoiding eye contact, even more physical contact. It was like, if he touched you, he was going to light a match that would uncontrollably turn into a conflagration.

"Oookay... so, see you-"

"Around." you interrupted him, finishing the sentence. He had his hands in his pockets, also avoiding touch.

"Okay." He replied, you guys have a look of understanding and soon after he went towards his car.

As soon as you closed the door, you leaned over it and put your hands on your head. "Fuck!" for what you did. "Fuuuck!!", for what can happen because of that, "FUCK!!!" because you... wanted more.

Going back to your room, you quickly finished getting ready, got your things and went to work. Overthinking everything.

Parking at the construction company, your phone started to ring.

The last person you needed to hear the voice at the moment was calling you. Jacob.

"Oh for fucking sakes. I don't deserve so much bullshit." You mumbled to yourself.

Deciding not to answer, you waited until he hung up. But seconds later, he called again.

"What do you want?" you already answer annoyed.

"Hi to you too," he said with a giggle, trying to lighten the mood.

"I have nothing to say to you, if you also have nothing to say then goodbye", you said even more irritated.

Silence.

"I miss you so badly. Really. I was so stupid. I... I'm sorry...I. I know, I'm calling you out of nowhere after all these months, I know I shouldn't be-"

"Yeah, you really shouldn't." You started to feel your eyes fill with tears and your lips tremble. Hate.

"How are you? I heard that you went back to your city, to work with your father. That's what you always wanted, right? I'm very happy for you." He said trying to change the subject and you knew where he was going with this.

"Yeah, that's exactly what happened, thank you very much. Anything else?" You were so sorry to have answered.

"I just wanted to... I just wanted to know how you were. You disappeared after... after all. I tried to call you countless times, I looked for you in your work, in the loft, but you didn't talk to me. I'm really surprised that you answered the phone today."”

"Do you really want to know what happened? I'll tell you what happened." You took a deep breath before continuing, knowing that bringing old memories to the surface could reopen a wound that you were still trying to heal. "I eventually realized, that not everyone I love, is worthy of a place in my heart. You came into my life and I felt like you were everything. But then, you fucked up Jacob. Without any caution. Like we were nothing. I found myself in a real dark place, completely broken and left behind." At this point, you were crying. "It hurted like hell. The collateral damage was real big. But it also teach me how to be strong. I put my focus on studying, to try to replace the void in my heart and head."

You paused. You couldn't go on, you were sobbing.

"I suffered too. I-"

"Oh come on. You’re so selfish. I'm not going to fall into your trap." It is unbelievable that he says he suffered too.

"Seriously... I could barely eat, sleep, work-"

"You are so ridiculous. Go fuck yourself." You said through clenched teeth, your words distilling like venom, before you hang up on him.

You weren't sad. You were angry. Boiling inside, for everything he put you through.

It was as if you had passed an level at that moment. You didn't want to be careful anymore. You didn't have to. You weren't afraid of getting hurt anymore, because you were... completely empty. You realized that you needed to learn to love yourself, with the same madness, ferocity and recklessness with which you loved him.

And then, you realized that it makes no difference if you repeat the figure. What you went through a few months ago made you create stone walls that are way too high to break. Your heart in ruins and your shattered soul, was very well buried within those walls.

The wound was large. But it healed. Now you wanted to be despotic of your own life.

You could heal your carnal desires without saying goodbye anymore. If it was good and you wanted more, you would have more. No more 'one time thing' bullshit. New rules. New you. After all, no one can break a void.

Taking a deep breath and fixing your makeup, you got out of the car and went to the office. Arriving in your room, you threw your purse on the desk and sat down. You started to see what your tasks were that day.

"Sweetheart, do you have a second?" Your father knocked and opened the door, with papers in hand.

"Yeah, sure, come on in."

"How are you?" He said as he sat in the chair across from you.

“I've never felt so good in all my life. What about you?” you answered with a smile, reclining on your chair.

"I'm fine. Did anything special happen?" He asked suspiciously.

"No, nothing. Just... I'm in a good mood." You replied, still smiling and leaning on your elbows on the desk, putting your hands together. “Anyway, did something happened?"

"Hm... yes. I hate to disturb your good mood but you will have to review some things in the Altman's work, we found some problems with plumbing and structure."

"Believe me, it doesn't bother me." You said while he passed you the papers he was holding.

"The engineers have already made the necessary changes, you just need to adapt the interior design." He got up from his chair as he watched you analyze the papers.

"I'm going to review everything right now." You said with a smile.

"Okay sweetheart... I'm here for what you need, anything calls in my office." You could see that he was a little disappointed that you didn't talk to him about... nothing at all.

"Okay, thank you. Hm, hey... I love you, dad." You said genuinely.

"I love you too darling." He smiled at you again and walked towards the door. "Oh, just so you know, the Altmans will stop by later to update themselves on the changes, meeting at the last schedule."

"Okay." You forced a smile before he left the room.

So... you would see Phillip again today. And no more 'one time thing bullshit', you remembered. And you wanted Phillip again. Your carnal desires were surfacing. Time to put the new rules into practice.

Your day went slow and stressful. You had to make some new proposals for the project due to changes that the engineers made. When you finally finished, it was still half an hour before the meeting with the Altmans, so you decided to go out for a smoke.

Arriving outside, you leaned against the facade wall, lit a cigarette and started to rethink the decisions you made today and what led you to it.

About Jacob, you knew that sooner or later he was going to find you. You didn't have a decent conversation after all (not that you needed). You ignored him and avoided him in every way possible. You left work as a waitress, changed some shifts in college and moved out of the loft where you lived with Nicole. You changed your number and disappeared from social networks. You did everything to become a ghost in your last months in graduation. But now he found you. Who the hell gave him your number?

About Phillip, you knew from the beginning that sleeping with him could cause a lot of problems, but right now? You don’t give a shit about it. If it were by your old rules, you would try to ignore him. Not that you could, since you couldn't just leave work, change shifts or move out, just like you did with Jacob.

But now you have new rules, and let's just say that even if you didn't, you couldn't stop thinking about his dominant and caring hands all over your body, stroking every inch of your skin. The zeal you learned to have with involvements, turned into dust the moment you called him to enter your home. He made you reckless. And now, you realized that you liked it. Be wild and reckless. Bold and unapologetic. That’s exactly what you wanted.

You were deep in your thoughts when you were interrupted by a black porch parking in front of you. Phillip. You looked at your wristwatch and saw that he was early.

Getting out of the car, he saw you and walked clearly hesitant towards you. "Hey, kiddo. How are you?" He asked avoiding eye contact.

"Great and you?" You were casually pretending innocence.

"Good." Phillip was strangely uncomfortable. But it wasn’t like he regretted having sex with you, deep down you knew he wanted more. But because in a few minutes, he will be in a room with you and your father after having sex with you. You could feel the guilt flooding him slowly. "I heard you... you had some problems with the work. I hope everything is fine." He said, trying to change the subject that hadn't even started.

"Yes, everything is fine, I already solved the problems and made new proposals." You paused for a minute before continuing. "Actually, since you are already here, I can go and show you some things. Let's go to my office." It was not a question. You threw the cigarette on the floor and walked towards the entrance.

"O-okay", and he followed you towards your office. It was almost time to close the construction company, as the meeting would be at the last hour, and many employees had already left. With the corridor empty, no one saw him entering your office.

"Please, feel free, take a sit," You said casually.

You sat in your chair, in front of him and you looked at each other for long moments. It was as if everything made even more sense now that he was in front of you. You finally recognized your free nature. You just needed to incorporate it.

"I just wanted to say that I trust your work and I know that you are doing the best-"

"I want more." You interrupted him looking right into his eyes. "I want you. Again."

"Y/N... I thought we had already decided that this was not going to happen agai-"

"I changed my mind." You interrupted him again and got up from the chair, walking towards him while playing with a pen in your hands. You stopped right in front of him, and rested your hips on your desk, watching the reactions that you could cause him.

He immediately straightened up, leaning over the back of the chair in an attempt not to get too close to you. Useless attempt, you thought.

Never breaking eye contact, you blinked slowly and when your eyes opened again, your pupils shone with mischief.

You gave him an ironic smile, while sensually biting the tip of the pen, a hint of the danger you longed for.

"I can't stop thinking about last night." You spoke in the most innocent way possible but by Phillip's body language, he felt trapped by a hungry wolf ready to attack.

"Y/N... Please... We're in the office, someone can come in here." It was funny to see a man of that size exuding such despair. He really is the baby of the family, you thought.

You left the table and took a step towards him, your knees touching the edge of the chair where he sat, in the apparent space between his spread legs. You looked at him from above while he looked at you through his eyelashes, mouth agape, "You like to call me a kid... But it's you who are looking like a scared little child right now." You whispered.

"Fuck Y/N... you know that doing this here is very dangerous." Phillip whispered like someone was right next to him and then swallowed hard, making you smirk.

You leaned over and rested your hands on the arms of the chair, lowering yourself to his seated height, leaving your face one millimeter from his. "You touched me in all the right places last night... My body is begging for a replay, I can't help it." You said playing with his limits, mixing innocence and sensuality in your every move.

You straightened up and lifted the length of your dress up to your hips before straddled him, face to face.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you crazy?" He whispered but it was like he want to scream, as he put his hands up, surrendering, but at the same time, he didn't stop you.

Turning your gaze to the clock on the wall, you say, "We still have 10 minutes before the meeting starts..." You bited your lower lip as you leaned down to whisper in his ear, "Just don't make me scream... My father's office is right next door. "

Phillip looked back a few times, as if to make sure no one was watching. When he looked back at you, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. You could feel his internal war between giving in to your actions and being rational. He relented.

"Fuck..." He started to caress your body, slowly giving in to the temptation and your hands moved to unbuckle his belt.

"I want you to fuck me, right here, right now." you said, while unzipping his pants.

Phillip's gaze moved to your hands as he ran his hands over your thighs and breathed heavily. "Oh fuck..." he murmured, and at this point, he was cleary no longer thinking straight, drunk by your body and movements in his lap.

Reaching what you wanted, you wrapped your hand around his hard cock and pulled it out of his underwear, lazily stroking it, "Can you do that?"

He closed his eyes and dropped his head on the back of the chair, exhaling deeply, focused on the feel of your soft touch.

You were having so much fun watching Phillip completely surrender to your touch and what you could do with him.

Kissing his neck, you said "You like the danger, don't you?" You felt his breath rise and he groaned in response.

"Do you want to fuck my pussy knowing my dad is right next door?" You asked and started to stroke him faster. “Say it.”

Phillip struggled to respond, breathing through parted lips as he pressed his fingers into your ass cheeks.

"Fuck... I want it so badly, but-"

"So do it. Time is running out." You interrupted him while raising an eyebrow in defiance.

Then you wet your lips with your tongue and pulled away from him a little to pull your panties aside. You had a better image of the disheveled and dumbfounded man who was visibly in the palm of your hands at that moment.

You took his shirt off and caressed his massive chest, before leaning over him again and spat on the tip of his swollen cock, watching it mix with his pre-cum. Phillip was even more stunned, watching what you were doing.

Looking at your art, you slid your hand over his dick again, to cover it better quickly, and then aligned his dick's head with your entrance, slowly sitting on it and contracting around the length widening you inside.

He groaned at the new sensation, his eyes intensely focused on your face. You started to push your hips up and down slowly, while your fingers curled in the strands of his hair.

Without putting up with your slow pace, as soon as he saw that you were adjusted to his size, he started to move his hips upwards anxiously, creating the sensation that you were dying to feel.

You adjusted your movements to his pace, groaning with the sensation, "Fuck... feels so good..." you whispered, while rolling your eyes to the back of your head and moving one hand to caress your tit through the fabric of your dress, and the other to Phillip's biceps, jamming your nails over his skin.

You hummed a little too loudly, making Phillip immediately move to cover your mouth with his hand to muffle your noises.

Not that it made much difference, since the noise of skins colliding was dangerously loud.

Something about doing this with him, in your office room, with people waiting for you in a few minutes, with your father in the next room and with your door unlocked... All this danger was completely arousingly.

Pulling his hand out of your mouth, you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned over to kiss him and he immediately reciprocated and deepened the kiss.

Now your moans were being drowned out in his lips, while your tongues danced desperately.

"You're fucking crazy," his voice was low and broken between the irregular breaths caused by the pleasure of the moment.

"And you like it." You answered and started rolling your hips in circles while he was still pushing up even faster now, making him reach even more pleasant places inside you.

He searched between your bodies and started making quick circles on your clit, making you teetering over the edge.

You kissed him again, while the delicious movements he was making on your clit, added to the growing pressure on your lower belly created by the firm thrusts of his dick in you, became overwhelming.

"I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come, yes, don't fucking stop," you breathed hotly over his lips until he took you to your peak.

Every inch of your body trembled on top of him, as your orgasm traveled through your veins. Your release was so powerful that you closed your eyes and screamed for a thousandth of a second, before being drowned out by his firm hand in your mouth again.

Phillip removed his hand from your mouth when he saw that you started riding out of your orgasm, with your involuntary spasms remaining as he continued to thrust, getting drunk by your walls contracting against him.

"You're so fucking deep." you whined softly.

And as soon as the words left your mouth you felt. Phillip buried his face in your neck and groaned loudly against your skin as he poured his load inside you, moaning as he came.

He continued with erratic strokes as you felt every hot spurt inside you. Until his movements turned into slow hip rolls, just to enjoy every bit of pleasure until the last second.

When he finally stopped, the two of you still stood there, breathing hard, your chest heaving, savoring the moment, while looking into each other eyes.

"That was insane. We can't do it again, seriously." He murmured to you but his eyes showed something else. Of course, you were going to do it again.

You smiled in agreement, fully aware that it was a lie.

Your little moment was interrupted by a few knocking on the door. You froze immediately.

"Y/N, just so you know that your customers have arrived and are waiting for you in the meeting room." Thanks to the universe it was the secretary and she did not opened the door, she only warned through the closed door.

"Ok, thanks. I'll be right there!" you practically screamed as you quickly got up from Phillip's lap and started to adjust to look presentable while he did the same.

"Shit, shit, shit! I told you this was crazy!" Phillip hissed as he put his shirt back on. "Ah shit! My car! My brothers will see my car parked outside and they will see that I am not in the meeting room, they will be suspicious-" He was so nervous, it was comical.

"Hey, relax. If they didn't catch us in the act, no problem." You interrupted him, laughing while fixing your hair, "I saw you arriving earlier and I took the chance to show you the new proposals. That's it." You continued, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

You were picking up the notebook on the table and Phillip was casually fixing his hair when the door opened.

"Sweetheart, the Altmans are already-" Your father paused when he saw you and Phillip in the room, looking between the both of you, as if it were a ping pong ball "-here." He cleared his throat, "Phillip. I didn't know you were already here." He finished, with his eyes narrowed on Phillip.

And as you already imagined, Phillip was completely immobile and silent. You cleared your throat, "I went to smoke a cigarette outside and saw that he arrived earlier. Then I decided to have a quickie with him." You said casually.

"What?" Both men spoke at the same time and turned to you in disbelief, with wide eyes.

"A quickie meeting,” You said like it was obvious and calmly. “I took the opportunity to show him the new proposals. Isn't it Phillip?"

He stopped for a second, looking at you, before turning to your father, "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... I came early and she was outside and she saw me and she told me to come in for her to show me the new proposals", he repeated everything you said, too fast. What an asshole, don't even know how to pretend, you thought, quietly rolling your eyes.

"Ooookay. The other Altmans are waiting in the meeting room." Your father raised his eyebrows as he spoke, as if he didn't believe anything but had swallowed that story. "Hurry up." And he took another look between you two before leaving the room.

As soon as your father left, Phillip went to the door way to look down the hall and make sure your father was gone before he said anything.

"What the fuck was that? 'A quickie'? Didn't you have another word?" He murmured to you. He was nervous, but it was funny.

"The sentence was nothing special, you just didn't know how to react like a fucking adult man." You hissed as you walked towards the door. Now you were a little pissed. Unbelievable that he was putting the blame on you.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I thought you were going to say that-" He paused before continuing. "Why do I have the feeling that you are becoming some kind of a cold-hearted slut?"

You stopped in your tracks. You were taken by surprise for that. "What?" You asked, retracting your neck in disbelief, "Why did you say that?"

"Because takes one to know one." He said, without pauses.

"You think you know me? You don't know anything about me." You spat the words out like venom, through clenched teeth, looking him straight in the eye.

He clearly regretted what he said, "Sorry Y/N, I didn't want to-"

"You are a dick." You interrupted as you passed through him at the door to the corridor, towards the meeting room.

"Tell me something I don't know." He murmured, following you.

Stopping at the door of the meeting room you looked at him, and said holding the doorknob before entering, "Your shirt is on the inside out."

“That I didn’t know... Why the fuck does this keep happening to me?” He replied, analyzing his shirt before you both entered the meeting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dress:  
> https://pin.it/2c2FaAG
> 
> Maybe your office can look like this? I don’t know  
> https://pin.it/7FQ8eiR
> 
> Important note: I’m a huge fan of adam's work and I’m aware of all the rumors that are going on regarding TMWKDQ. In the midst of a worldwide problem (pandemic), I found comfort in starting to write, and I intend to continue writing for his characters regardless of what he did. He is he, character is character. I’m really upset but that's it. If you're sad about it too and need someone to talk to, I'm here.
> 
> Lots of love ❤️


	4. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was like you let yourself be completely naked in front of him, but it wasn't about clothes, it wasn't about skin. It was about vulnerability.
> 
> At that moment, while you were completely naked and he was fully dressed, completely numb and he was totally sober, you knew that in that little moment, he could also see you completely. Your most hidden and dark places. The pain. And the memory that haunted you. He didn't know what it was. But he knew it existed.
> 
> And you saw it too. Through clothes, through sobriety, through mask. There was a place in his heart that no one had been yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if have a lot of information and a lot of characters in this chapter. I confess that I didn't like it very much, but still... I hope you like it!

Finally Saturday. You're looking forward to the weekend, so you could finish fixing some of your things that were still disorganized because of the move.

And... no news from Phillip since the day you guys had sex in the office. That day, after the meeting, he didn't even say goodbye to you. It looked like he wanted to run out of there as quickly as possible. You understand that he was stunned because of your father and his family all together in the same place after what you guys did, but seriously, no one would imagine. It wasn't a big deal.

You're a little upset that he's avoiding you, not because you care - not really - but, because you are the one who avoid others and not the other way around. You liked to think that it didn't matter whether anyone was in your life or not at that moment. It may be the consequences of wanting to act like a bitch, but still...

Controversial as it may seem, at the same time, you felt really good with Phillip. The way you look at each other and the whole world is silent for a few seconds. You saw magic in him. Magic and escape. Somehow, you knew that this magic could make incredible transformations. After all, that's what magic does, isn't it?

When you finally finished unpacking the last box and everything was in place and clean, you decided to go to the grocery store to buy some things to be able to cook later.

When you were at the cashier passing your purchases, you heard someone calling your name.

"Y/N? Is that you?"

Turning to see who it was, you see Dakota, an old friend of yours from school, "Dakota?"

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're here! How long! How are you?" She came to hug you and you returned the hug.

"I'm fine, I just got back. How about you?" You haven't seen Dakota since you were 18 or so, just before you went abroad. You studied together when you were children, before your parent's divorce and always saw each other when you went to visit your father, but after you left the country, you lost contact.

"I'm great! It's funny that I met you here today because me and some people from school time scheduled to go out for some drinks today... I'm sure everyone would love to see you".

You stopped to think for a few seconds before answering. In fact, it wouldn't be so bad to go out at night, since your other plan was to cook and watch a movie... nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. "Oh, I would love to.”

"Great!" Dakota's energy was contagious, it always has been. "So, the plan is to go to this place down the city, it's like a bar but it also has an incredible nightclub, some cool DJs, good drinks... I don't think you can dislike it!"

"In fact, I think this is exactly what I need..." You replied smiling. And it was true, you came back to the city a few weeks ago and your only distractions until now were work and... Phillip.

You guys were catching up until you left the grocery store. You said you ended a relationship a short time ago and coincidentally, she too.

"I dated this girl, for a few years... We didn't work out. We broke up friends, but it's still weird when we run into each other." Dakota said and it was strange how it looked like all of her energy had been cut in half.

"Well, I can't say the same... I caught my ex cheating on me. I'm recovering but it's still difficult." You said looking at the floor before looking at her again, "So... a girl? I didn't know you liked girls."

"Oh, I'm sorry for what happened to you...” she stopped for a moment seeing that you definitely didn't want to continue on this subject, “So, um, I like boys too, but I prefer girls... I mean, I don't know, I'm still discovering myself... I'm just having fun and enjoying my process of discovering who I am. Doing things that make me feel more like... me." She said smiling at you, "That makes sense?"

You took a moment to process what she said. It made so much sense that you could feel reality hitting your chest like a strong wind in your face. It’s not only about becoming something, but also the process of ceasing to be. "Yeah... and this is beautiful. It actually makes a lot of sense to me. This... process."

You stood for a long time looking and smiling at each other, in a sign of understanding. But that wasn't all, there was something more in her eyes. Was she... flirting with you? Then, she broke the silence, "Well... see you later then?"

"Yeah... Sure." You responded by shaking your head and coming out of your trance.

"Okay then... I better get going." And with that Dakota leaned over and kissed your cheek, a little too close to your mouth, "See you."

All you could do was glance at her lips and nod.

When you got home, you saw that Dakota sent you a message with the club's address and a 'can't wait to see you again'. Well, shit.

You were excited. It would be nice to see the people from school. It would bring you that good feeling of childhood.

When it came time to get dressed, you searched among your best clothes. A tight black midi dress that accentuates all the best parts of your body. Because... Why not? After all, you were going to some kind of night club, it would be nice to have fun and feel desired.

When you finished getting ready, you took your bag and coat and asked for an uber for the address Dakota had given earlier.

Entering the bar, you already felt some eyes on you. You went straight for a drink first. A Dry Martini to start.

The bar was packed and you soon saw that it had an underground floor that looked like the club Dakota commented on. Then, you heard someone call your name and, as you turned, saw her waving her arms for you to see. You went there.

"Hi! I'm glad you came!" Dakota said embracing you, "Guys, you remember Y/N, right?" She continued, making space for people to see you.

You went to talk to each of them and was shocked to see how the girls looked like super models and the guys looked like football players. Everyone aged very well there. You're glad you chose one of your best dresses. You knew you looked stunning too.

The night passed between conversations with the guys and memories of school days. You were having fun.

When everyone was already happy after a few good drinks, one of the guys gave the idea of going down to the club.

Getting there, the music was loud, red and purple lights flashing, people kissing and dancing with their bodies glued together. You were instantly excited.

"Shall we get another drink?" You said yelling so that they could hear you, since the music was too loud.

"Yes let's go!" Dakota replied before everyone else, placing a hand on the small of your back and guiding you to the bar. You thought it had been rude of her not to wait for others to respond, but it seemed like no one really cared.

Once there, she didn't ask what you wanted, she simply asked the bartender for two cosmopolitans. You were a little surprised by her attitudes but you weren't stopping her.

"You know, I just realized that I still hadn't had a chance to tell you how beautiful you look," Dakota said in your ear, with a hand on your hip, while you guys were waiting for the drink.

You tilted your head so you could look at her and she was smiling at you as you processed her actions. When she bit her bottom lip looking at yours, you got it. She was flirting with you again. Harder this time.

You licked your lips and smiled back, taking advantage of the cue to look at her better. She was more beautiful than ever. She still had the same short bangs as before, with long hair up to her waist. She wore red lipstick and a tight black skirt, white blouse, leather jacket and boots. She always had that bad boy style that you love.

After looking her up and down, you realized that it's been a while since you haven't hook up with a woman. You almost dated one in college, before meeting Jacob. You never regretted any woman that you had sex with, it was always fun. And since fun is what you were up to...

The tension had formed between you two and you started to lean over to kiss her. You put a lock of her hair behind her ear when your lips were almost touching, "You look beautiful too", and with that you kissed her.

Dakota soon returned the kiss. She was so all small and delicate. Completely different from... well, you know who. Different in many ways. The world didn’t stop and you didn’t feel any magic either during the kiss or after, when your lips parted and you looked at each other for a moment. But it was fun, too. And you for sure wanted more.

Suddenly, you were interrupted by someone clearing his throat loudly. Turning around, you saw Phillip right behind you. What the actual fuck he was doing here?

"Phillip, um, hi... What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." He replied, looking between you and Dakota, with the same expression your father had when he saw you with him in your office. Did he see you and Dakota kissing?

"Well, I came to drink with some old friends." Phillip hummed pretending he believed it was just that, while looking at Dakota, who was distracted by the drink the bartender delivered and you guys were too busy to notice before.

Feeling a strange atmosphere in the air, you decided to introduce them, "Oh, sorry, Phillip, this is Dakota, a longtime friend from school. Dakota, this is Phillip, we have known each other since we were kids."

They exchanged a weird 'nice to meet you' and soon you were interrupted again, now by a tall blonde with a huge smile full of shiny white teeths. She looked like a fucking barbie. For a minute you thought she was one of the super models of the school days but when she hugged and gave Phillip a peck on his lips, you realized she wasn't.

"Hi, handsome... I was looking for you." She said in a seductive voice but at the same time, it seemed that she was chewing gum while talking. She was practically throwing herself at him. She looked like one of those unsympathetic sisters from the movie 'white chicks'. You rolled your eyes so hard that you thought you were going to go blind. Phillip saw this.

"Who are these two?" She asked Phillip and you could feel the disdain in her voice.

Now she managed to irritate you hard. You were half-turned to the counter, leaning against one of the high stools in the bar, but when you felt the contempt in her voice, you quickly got up and straightened up, tossing your hair back and looking at her with the same disdain that she was giving to you.

When Phillip got to see you right, he immediately let out his apparently favorite phrase to you, "Fuck, you look sexy".

"Thanks Phil," you replied smiling and held out a hand to the blonde, "I'm Y/N, a good old friend of his." You smiled subjectively to leave a question in the air, "and this beautiful brunette here, is a good and old friend of mine too, Dakota."

"It looks like you have a lot of good old friends." The blonde replied and shook your hand, with even more indifference but looking you up and down to swallow your figure. Meanwhile, Phillip and Dakota looked like two blind people in the middle of a shootout.

"Oh you know... They like to keep my company," another suggestive smile ... "What about you? You are?"

"Chelsea." The air stopped in your throat for a second, remembering that name "Phillip's girlfriend." You were in a catatonic state for a moment.

Looking back at Phillip, you asked raising an eyebrow, "Girlfriend?" When you finally managed to remember how to breathe, you processed the situation. He lied to you. He has a girlfriend. And you had sex with a committed guy. You are just like that girl in Jacob's bed who-

"Ex." Phillip interrupted your thoughts, "Ex girlfriend." He corrected her. You soon got your cosmopolitan at the counter to ease the little panic attack that you had.

Chelsea looked pissed at the way Phillip made a point of pointing this out, "Ah, nice to meet you," she said clearly annoyed, "Phillip, can we get another drink?" she said pulling his hand.

Both of you closed an intense eye contact for a second before you said sarcastically, "Yeah, go get her a drink", and with that you turned your attention back to Dakota and your drink.

"Um... you know what, I'm going to stay here with the girls a little longer, but if you want to bring me a beer, I would appreciate it," he said turning his face to her but without taking his eyes off you.

She huffed out a laugh, disbelieving, "Are you sure Phillip?" She said loudly to make him look at her.

"Hm yes?..." when he turned to her, she raised her eyebrow at him and then he realized that she was pissed.

"Don't wait for your beer. I'm leaving", she said passing between you in anger.

"Did she know she was your ex or did she just find out?" You asked concerned as you watched her leave.

"She knew... We still hook up sometimes after we broke up, or used to, right now I don’t know anymore", He said huffing a laugh, “But she knew.”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments, but soon Dakota realized that you had finished your drink.

"Well, anyway... Can I buy you another drink, baby?" Dakota said looking at you, trying to change the subject.

You saw Phillip take a deep breath when he saw Dakota squeeze your hips the same way he did to you. Before you could answer, you felt your cell phone vibrating inside your bag, and asked them to wait a minute for you to see who it was. It was Jacob.

You watched your cell phone ring, as if there was no more Phillip, Dakota, music, bar, nothing around you. You went completely rigid watching your ex trying to slowly fill your veins again. You should have known he wasn't going to leave you alone. That he wasn't going to give up. Jacob probably thought that if he left you alone for a few months, you would be able to forget the scene you saw. But of course you weren't. And apparently, with each contact attempt he makes with you, this scene becomes clearer and clearer in your mind.

You left the phone ring until he hang up. But of course, not satisfied, Jacob sent a message.

_'Please call me baby. I need to talk to you, it's important.'_

What is so important Jacob would have to say on a Saturday night? He probably got drunk and wants to disturb you with empty excuses and love lies. Just this attempt to contact you, was enough to shake all the good mood you were feeling at that moment, imagine hearing his voice.

Phillip and Dakota apparently noticed your condition, and he was the first to ask, "Hey, are you okay?" Phillip had concern in his voice.

"Did something happen?" now Dakota's voice filled your ears.

Looking at them a little flustered, you put your phone back in your bag and answered, "Yes, it's okay. What do you guys think of some tequila shots?"

"I would love to!" Dakota replied smiling and turned to the bartender to place the order.

You smiled at her and turned your attention to Phillip, who still seemed concerned about your sudden change of mood. He knew that you were not well and that something had happened. You took a deep breath and smiled at him, trying to calm him down.

Soon, your attention returned to Dakota, who was humming the background music and holding three shots. You and Phillip took one and then Dakota raised her glass to toast, "Well, to old friends!"

"To old friends" you and Phillip toasted with her and overturned the drink.

Assuming that you already had a dry martini, a few beers and other drinks with the school guys - that you didn't even remember more at that point - and a cosmopolitan, the shot of tequila hit your body very quickly. In just a few minutes you felt your body and your mind start to numb, and all the memories of that scene that has lately been living very clear in your mind, begin to disappear. Maybe one more shot would make it disappear completely, at least for a few hours you thought.

"One more round, please" you asked the bartender.

"Hey slow girl!" Dakota said laughing.

"How many drinks have you had?" Phillip asked looking at you.

"Not enough" You answered quickly. You were already feeling dizzy, your legs were a little wobbly.

"Don't you think you already drank too much?" Phillip asked. Probably yes. But you wanted more...

"Just one more, please ..." You said standing in front of him with pleading eyes, placing both hands on his belt and pulling lightly.

Apparently, that was enough for him to understand that you just wanted to loosen up a little more. "Since you asked nicely..." He replied, with a devilish grin.

You overturned the drink again when the second round arrived and the moment you hit the empty glass on the counter, started playing 'Six Feet Under' by The Weeknd.

"I love this song!" you said, pulling Phillip and Dakota by the hand to the dance floor.

Once there, you placed yourself between the two of them, with your back to Phillip and facing Dakota. You put your ass on Phillip's cock and started rolling, looking at him over the shoulder and biting your bottom lip, smiling.

Holy shit, you were really drunk.

_'She lick it up just like a candy'_

Then you looked at Nicole and put her hands on your hips, looking right into her eyes as you danced for Phillip. You were giving a show of sensuality.

_'She rather die in lusting'_

You were starting to feel Phillip's dick harden. It was what you needed to do what you wanted all night. You put your arms around Nicole's neck and pulled her close.

_'Know just what to do with her own body'_

You started kissing Nicole. Slow and wet. At that time, Phillip's dick was already super hard. You felt his heavy breathing on your neck. He pulled you by the hips to brush his dick in your ass through the fabric, while you continued to kiss Nicole.

You stopped the kiss on Nicole and turned to Phillip. You started rolling around for Nicole now, biting your lip and looking Phillip from the bottom up, stopping at the bulge of his pants.

_'And she bend it over like she got no back bone'_

You arched your back over Nicole, lifting and bending your arm to pull her hair while she kissed your neck. You put your other hand on Phillip's neck, pulling him close and dropping your hand down his chest and belly, until you reached his belt. He bent down to kiss you and you pulled his lower lip.

_‘Real love is hard to find_

_So she don’t waste her time’_

"I want you... both of you..." You said with a heavy breath, looking between the two of them, cleary tipsy.

You saw Phillip looking at Dakota, until he said, "You are too drunk..."

"And?" You questioned while you lowered the hand that was in Nicole's hair and went down caressing your own breasts making the biggest innocent face for Phillip.

He shut his eyes for a second and took a deep breath whispering your name, "You are too drunk..." He was speaking more seriously now, "I'm gonna take you home", you could feel that he was trying to protect you. Seriously, do you want to play the older brother now?

"Oh, c-come on... I know y-you want this", You were talking confused and could barely stand.

"Not with you like that..." He said holding your waist because you started to close your eyes for too long when you blinked.

"He's right baby... You're not okay," Dakota said helping you to stand.

"Oh, fuck you, I-I’m fine”, it looked like you were going to pass out.

"Can you take care of her?" You heard Dakota whisper to Phillip.

"Yes, you can leave it to me." He answered her.

The next things you saw happen was Phillip picking you up and taking you out of the club. After that, you were at home.

He helped you into the house and your stomach started to turn. He sat you on the couch to take your shoes off and you could barely stay awake but managed to say, "bathroom, please".

Phillip carried you to the bathroom and you sat on the floor, next to the toilet and started to throw up, he immediately held your hair.

Then you leaned against the wall and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. He went to fill the bathtub.

"You don't have to do this... I... I'm fine," you whispered.

"No, you're not. Come on, let me help you," he said, lifting you off the floor and sitting you on the toilet. He started taking off your clothes, "I'm going to take your dress off and give you a quick bath, to see if you get a little better, okay?" You only nodded, you were very sleepy and just wanted to lie down.

He picked you up and put you in the bathtub. He started to wet your face slightly, then put your hair back and you woke up a little, managed to open your eyes and look at him.

"Thanks..."

He didn't answer, just smiled softly at you.

After the bath, he took you to the bedroom and laid you on the bed. He searched your clothes and got a loose shirt for you to put on, you still had your panties and bra wet.

Phillip slowly took off your bra and panties, you weren't thinking straight but it was visibly different this time. There was no sexual tension in the room despite the profound intimacy of that moment.

Transcended the physical. Transcended the proximity. Not even all the alcohol in your blood made you confuse the accuracy of that moment.

It was like you let yourself be completely naked in front of him, but it wasn't about clothes, it wasn't about skin. It was about vulnerability.

At that moment, while you were completely naked and he was fully dressed, completely numb and he was totally sober, you knew that in that little moment, he could also _see_ you completely. Your most hidden and dark places. The pain. And the memory that haunted you. He didn't know what it was. But he knew it existed.

And you saw it too. Through clothes, through sobriety, through mask. There was a place in his heart that no one had been yet.

It made you want to take care of his him. It made you feel the walls you built so high around your broken heart, crack. They did not fall or break. But they shuddered.

He was also broken. Not because he gave someone his heart and they hurted him, as with you. But because he couldn't do that. He didn't know how. And he tried with all the pretty girls who came into his life. But nobody got there. No one even came close.

That little moment of silent revelation was frightening. It was all very fast, like flashes in the back of each of your eyes, but everything was very clear. There were a million questions in the air, but none of them needed an answer yet. You have created an emotional space that none of you have experienced yet. You felt the exact moment the connection was born. Or was reborn.

When all this information sank into your minds, you immediately felt embarrassed. Not because you felt what you felt, but because you let yourself be interpreted in such a fine way.

Phillip quickly put on your shirt, cleaned his throat, and stood up, "I’ll go to the kitchen to get you a glass of water, okay?"

"Okay", it seemed that all this information had left you even more exhausted.

When he came back, you were very sleepy. He put the water glass on the nightstand, made you comfortable on the bed and covered you.

He gave you a kiss on the forehead, "I'll be back tomorrow morning to see how you are, okay?"

"No... Stay... Please..." You whispered and reached for his hand but didn't open your eyes.

He took a deep breath, "I'm going to sleep on the couch".

"No... Just stay here with me... Hold me" It was probably alcohol but you just didn't want to sleep alone.

You felt the bed sink and he pulled you close and you rested your head on his chest while he hugged you and caressed your back. You two fell asleep like that.

In the morning you woke up with an empty bed and a bad smell invading your room. You sat on the bed, adapting to the sunlight that came through your window and immediately felt a little headache of the hangover hitting you. You soon identified the smell as something burning and ran out of the room to find out where the smell came from.

Arriving in the kitchen, you face a gray cloud and Phillip waving a cloth in the air and opening the window for smoke to escape.

"What the fuck happened here" you asked, covering your nose and waving your hands.

"Sorry, I was trying to do something for you to have lunch but I don't think I'm very good at cooking." Phillip laughed.

You went to the sink and saw a pyrex dish with a black chicken, completely burned.

"Oh my god" you laughed, "you are definitely not a good cooker"

"Sorry... How are you feeling?" He asked, still snorting a few laughs, when finally the smoke started to disappear from the kitchen.

"A little headache, but I'll be fine..."

"Actually, I went to the pharmacy earlier," he chuckled and went to get something from the bag on the counter before going to you, "Here, I bought medicine for a headache" .

"Oh... t-thanks. You didn't need to-"

"Do this and bla bla bla. Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. But I also knew you were going to have a headache in the morning, so..." He interrupted you.

You smiled at him, "This is very... kind. Thank you." You didn't expect any of this. Phillip was being really nice and you weren't used to it, even when you were dating Jacob. Usually it was you who took care of him with a hangover.

"So... since I ruined the lunch, what do you think about us going out to eat something?" Phillip asked casually.

"Phillip... why are you acting like this? All careful and... loving..." you asked while supporting your hips on the counter and crossing your arms.

"I can not?" It looked like he was afraid of you saying no.

"You kind of disappeared after what happened in the office. And now you're acting like you're my boyfriend or something. You took care of me when I was drunk, bathed me, cooked... I mean, tried to cook for me... Everything is happening too fast and I don't understand." The words left your mouth before you could process them. It was all true, but maybe it was not the time to release so much information at once.

You looked at each other for a few seconds until you turned your gaze away, feeling that emotional space that you created the night before, wanting to climb the surface.

"Look, I don't know what it is... I just know that I like being with you. What we did in the office scared the fuck out of me, but-" you interrupted him with a laugh, "but... I couldn't stop thinking about it. Thinking about you." He came to you and held your hands in his before continuing, "I know this is wrong. But I think you're smart, funny, beautiful and... sexy." You two smiled at each other with the last adjective. "Oh, and crazy. As fuck. But I like that."

You giggled and looked him in the eye, through your eyelashes. You were happy to see that he also felt that something changed last night but at the same time, you were scared. You knew that you were not prepared to get involved in addition to sex with anyone yet. Even more now that Jacob's ghost has decided to haunt you more often.

"Look, I don't know if I'm ready to feel something like... I-"

"We can go slow, in your time. We don't even need to have sex. I mean, we need ..." You laughed, "but that's not the most important thing for... me. I guess." Phillip's expression was as if even he didn't believe what he was saying.

"Actually, sex is the most important thing to me. I mean... you know." You said and snorted a laugh. You wanted to explain why, but you weren't ready to tell him everything you went through. "I need us to go, like, veeery... slowly."

"We can find a middle ground." He giggled too and leaned to you. You thought he was going to kiss you, but instead, he put his forehead against yours and looked you in the eye for a few seconds.

"Ooookay... what are we doing?" You asked, without understanding why he was resting his forehead on yours and looking at you without saying anything.

"My dad used to do this to me and my siblings instead of kissing us. Since we're going slow, I thought that... maybe... I mean, that was stupid, I'm sorry." He said moving away from you. It was obvious that the situation affected him more than he thought it would.

"This is actually cute." You smiled at him and he smiled back, but then he looked away. You knew it was time to change the subject, "So... lunch?"

Arriving at the restaurant, you sat at a table that was outside, since the weather was pleasant. It was very cozy and private.

After you placed your order with the waiter, you were talking about random things until the inevitable topic started.

"We have to think of a way to hide this from your father. At least for now. I really don't want to cause any problems." Philllip said genuinely.

"Are you afraid of my dad?" You asked jokingly.

"Oh, come on... I'm not _afraid_. I just think that maybe he won't accept it very well."

"He doesn't have to accept anything, I'm not a kid, Phillip." You said rolling your eyes. "But... I understand. Even because, as we're going 'slowly'... it may be our _little_ _secret_." you whispered the last words.

Your food arrived and you kept talking and getting to know each other better until you heard someone call your name.

Well, shit. It was your father. And he wasn't alone. He was with a woman you've never seen before.

"Y/N?" your father asked looking at you and Phillip.

"Dad?" You asked looking at your father and the woman who was with him.

"Phillip?" The woman asked.

"Tracy..." Phillip replied looking down.

"Do you guys know each other?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dress:  
> https://br.pinterest.com/pin/816699713674894718/
> 
> The restaurant:  
> https://br.pinterest.com/pin/46654546128148212/
> 
> Also, Adam is not an asshole! yeaaaahhh (I knew it)


	5. It's simple. But not so much.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's not about becoming something or ceasing to be something, maybe it's about becoming what you were once again. Maybe it's about getting back to who you were before they broke your heart. Maybe finding yourself means returning to yourself and remembering who you were before your world turned upside down. Maybe it's about "trust in your process"... That's what they say out there, isn't it?

Phiilip's point of view

She came back. Grown up. Owner of her own nose. Able to carry a large architectural project in her hands - things he doesn't know anything about - and the way she presented it all, was magnificent. Exactly what his father wanted, what will make his mother happy and which will unite all his siblings more than ever.

But somehow, he can still see that innocent, fearless and awkward girl - distracted in the coffee shop, so funny - in her. Maybe not so innocent, but still.

And she looks stunning. More than ever. He felt like a perv, but he couldn't help but see her more as a woman than as a little girl. See her more with the eyes of a lover than as an older brother.

It was instantaneous but at the same time gradual. It's this even possible? In an instant, he knew inside his bones, that she would change his life completely. But at the same time, her personality, her intelligence, her humor... her eyes, her smile, her voice, her hair, her skin, the funny little thing she does with her nose when she laughs, the way she brings her eyebrows together when she's thinking deeply about something. It was something else.

And inevitably her body. Her tits, her hips, her ass. The gentle curves that her body possessed, she looked so comfortable in her own skin, it made her look even more hot.

It's everything. Everything was gradually dulling him. Again. But this time, it was so different.

He wondered if that was love at first sight. Or at least, love at the right time. He always had an affection, love and care for her that he didn't understand.

When she was born, he was eleven years old. He was always the little brother of his siblings, so when she was born, he finally discovered what it was like to want to take care of someone with all the strength he had.

He wanted to be her support, her rock, her inspiration. He wanted to teach her things. He wanted to be there for her.

And he did. He took her to the beach for the first time. He taught her to ride a bicycle. He watched Cinderella with her, even hating that Disney princesses bullshit. He bought her first thigh-high socks that her parents wouldn't let her wear. He protected her at school. He was there.

He saw her suffer when her parents divorced. She was so little, she didn't deserve to go through this. She didn't quite understand at time, but she knew that she would no longer have her father and mother together with her 24/7. And just after that, he saw her go. Live with her mother. And the frequency decreased. Everything has actually decreased.

In the early years, until when she was about 12 years old, when she came to visit her father, they still played and talked. It wasn't the same, but he still wanted her to know that he would be there for her. But when she started to become a teenager, she didn't seem to care about him anymore. She was more sulky than smiling at family lunches, when everyone got together again like the old days, she always had headphones on, in her own world. World that almost nobody entered.

And he also built his own world. The girls started paying even more attention to him when he started to gain muscles, broad shoulders, beard. And he was living his youth. Several girlfriends, left late at night, returned home in the morning. He knew how to live his twenties well.

And so they moved further away from each other. Even the warm hugs of when you guys were younger, turned into a swinging hand in the air like a emotionless 'hi'. Until she left forever. At least, that's what he thought. She won't be back, she'll meet a guy in college, get married and never come back.

Phillip was already thirty when she left, and the life of a womanizer was beginning to fade, to lose grace. He tried to be more serious with one girl or another, but it wasn't how he imagined it had to be. He even got 'engaged to be engaged' to... Tracy. But deep down he knew it wasn't her.

Phillip saw Judd marrying Quinn. Even though she fucked up afterwards, they were in love at the time. And anyway, now Judd is even happier with Penny.

He saw Paul and Annie fall in love. As inappropriate as it was. Love won there, making nothing else matter.

And he saw Wendy... Watching love escape through her fingers, watching everything dissipate with Horry, until it stopped making sense. But he knew that she wasn't happy with Barry. She just didn't want to leave everything out for fear of insecurity.

Phillip was silly - yes -, childish - yes -, playful most of the time - yes -, but he was no fool. He saw everything happening around him. He wanted to have someone who made everything make sense like each of his siblings had. He wanted to have Judd's willpower to try again and again. Paul's courage to put love in front of everything and everyone. And he doesn't want to end up like Wendy, knowing he deserved much more.

He wanted something like what his parents had. Hillary and Mort were crazy, yes, but man, they loved each other. They fought for each other, committed to each other and sacrificed for each other. They believed in their relationship, endured everything together, and never gave up. Up to the last second. They were happy. Nothing was missing there. They belonged together. There was beauty in every little moment they shared. It was magical.

That was what he wanted.

And then... she came back.

And it was all so fast that he could barely process it. He had never experienced anything so instant.

Before it happened, it seemed so right but it felt so wrong. Damn, she's so sexy. And she didn't even need to be naked for that. But of course, when she's... wow. It was the way she carried herself. Her attitude. She was a badass.

And after it happened, it seemed so wrong but it felt so right... So new. The way she dominated him in her house, the way she dominated him in the office. He just couldn't resist. In many ways.

It was scary. He had to disappear for a few days to process all of this.

At the same time it was intuitive. Perceptible. So straight.

But still... scary. That's why he called Chelsea.

So he went to a night club, to distract himself from all that abrupt feeling that she was causing.

And like a shadow, there she was. He saw har kissing a brunette. What was her name? Dakota? It doesn't matter. Normally, he would think it was super sexy, but he was a little pissed. Jealous? Not that he was entitled, he was with Chelsea too.

But when she took him to the dance floor with the brunette, and gave that show of sexuality... he once again couldn’t resist. It wasn't exactly what he wanted, but if it was what she wanted, he wanted it too. He just wanted to be with her.

But she was too drunk. He couldn't let that happen. He didn't want to make room for her to feel any kind of regret about him. So he took her home. And took care of her. And he could do that for the rest of his life.

My God, this is so fast and so scary. Holy crap.

And then that moment came, something he never felt before with anyone.

It surpassed the physical limits, it surpassed the moment, it surpassed the touch.

The intimacy of that moment boiled down to an established connection, but at the same time it was so much more than that.

It went far beyond time, place or circumstances. It went far beyond lust or appearance. It went deep in the soul and in everything it emits.

He also felt the emotional space that was created. Without warning, the connection that you once had, came back. Much stronger. Much more powerful. Much meaninful.

And he saw that she was broken. Damaged. He saw her walls around the void. She swept what was left and hid inside it.

He saw everything through a moment, a line, a look.

Magic.

He wanted to get closer, he wanted her to get closer. Too close, just the way he said he wouldn't.

Scary. 

_“Just don’t fall in love with me.”_

But he definitely couldn't let this slip through his fingers.

He feel good with her and he just don't want to let this go. It's simple.

* * *

"Do you guys know each other?" You asked with curiosity plastered on your face. Who is this redhead?

After a few seconds of silence, while you and your father waited for the answer, the redhead, aka Tracy, opened her mouth to break the silence.

"We were-"

"She was my therapist," Phillip interrupted abruptely, looking with eyes that begged her to agree with what he was saying. This was weird, but you were more interested in... your father is dating another woman?

"Yeah... I was his therapist a few months ago. But we didn't _work out_. Isn't that Phillip?" Tracy replied, was what? Anger deep in her eyes? Disappointment?

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... hm... yeah." Was all Phillip answered.

"Um, I get it. What about you two? How do you know each other?" You asked, more curious about Phillip's former therapist going to lunch with your father.

"Tinder." Your father answered.

"What?" You and Phillip spoke at the same time, snorting a laugh.

"Dad, do you have tinder?" You asked in disbelief.

"Of course... You don't?" Your father responded by making fun of you and placing his hand on Tracy's waist, who was smiling at him.

"Yes... I mean no... hm," You paused and sighed before continuing, "Are you dating? How long has that been?"

"Two months. We're still getting to know each other... But I'm enjoying what I'm seeing." Your father was looking at Tracy and smiling. He looked happy. But... why didn't he tell you that before?

You only saw your dad dating once after the divorce. It lasted a while but she was a bitch. You were about 13 at the time and you got that before him. She hurt him and you soon became overprotective with your father. He suffered in the divorce, you were a child but you knew that. You saw it.

You watched him dive in and dive into work, worried about making the construction company grow, instead of thinking about relationships. He can't get hurt again.

As you processed the new news, your father asked, "And you two, what are you doing together?", he seemed to suspect something, but waited for you to respond.

"Oh, hm... We... You know, we were just, just hanging around and-" Phillip is a terrible liar, holy shit.

"I came to have lunch here and ran into him in the queue. I was alone, he was alone, it didn't make sense to have lunch at separate tables." You explained forcing a smile at the end.

"Oh got it... So what do you think about me making dinner later for you and Tracy-"

"You know what dad, my food is getting cold. I'll call you later." It was your final answer before turning your attention back to your plate.

Silence.

"Okay. We will schedule another day. See you tomorrow at work, we have a lot to talk about." Your father answered before saying goodbye to Phillip with a nod and leaving.

You didn't look up until your dad and Tracy left. You didn't see the secretive look Phillip and Tracy exchanged before her and your father left. Your dad didn't see it either, because he was looking at you, trying to get a final expression from you before he left.

As if it weren't enough to discover that your father is dating Phillip's ex therapist, you have your cell phone vibrating on the table and guess who? Jacob.

You took a deep breath, already saturated with that idiot trying to talk to you and decide to answer, but it's just to give a loud and clear, "Don't fucking call me again, you fucking-stupid-asshole!"

And with that, you hang up on him and throw your cell phone on the table, visibly pissed off.

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

Phillip raises his eyebrows and lowers his head, trying to read your facial expression, by looking at you through his eyelashes, not understanding your sudden attitude, "I should ask-"

"No. And I lost my hunger. Let's go." You replied, standing up abruptly and heading towards the exit while Phillip was like a statue still sitting on the table. You stopped on your tracks and turned to him when you felt that he was not following you, "Are you coming or not?".

"Uh, yeah, I'm going," Phillip replied, looking at all the food that was still on the table, but getting up to follow you to the car.

The trip back to your home was silent. You knew it was selfish of you not to be happy for your father, but damn it, why didn't he tell you that before? What if she's more of a bitch who's going to hurt your dad again? You want to see him happy, of course, but the fear you feel about seeing him suffer again, is bigger.

And why is Jacob pissing you off? What a fucking sucker. You were fine before he came trying to get back into your life like a worm under your skin. You loved him and he made you go through hell. He's a hypocrite who lied to you, making you feel like you weren't worthy of being loved and of the truth. And a bullshit like that, makes you question all the truths. Even those that are not yours. That is why you are so afraid for your father.

And then... there's Phillip. With so much shit going on in your head, you became chaos and of course he doesn't understand. He doesn't know anything. But he's here, taking you home, after taking care of you without judging you. And you felt that magic that you still don't know which name to give exactly, but the only thing you know, was that you could feel that shit deep in your soul. The connection. You trust him. Phillip never let you down, he was always by your side when he could, and when he couldn't, deep down you knew you could count on him. Now you're here, wanting to tell him all your secrets, but you feel like you can't, because he's one of your secrets too.

When you guys get at your place, you go straight to get a bottle of whiskey to help yourself. You haven't spoken a word to Phillip since you left the restaurant, and now he was standing in the middle of your living room, watching your every move.

"I thought you were 'definitely not a whiskey person'." He broke the silence, giving one of those silly little smiles of his in the process.

"My wine is gone." Taking a deep breath, you looked up and saw that silly face of him, feeling bad instantly for being treating him so dry, when in the end, you knew he just wanted to help.

"Is this... a tricky situation?" He murmured, approaching you slowly, as if he was afraid of your reaction. But it was funny, actually.

You replied with a little smile and a nod.

"And do you need someone to talk to or do you want to be alone?" Phillip was right in front of you now, watching you carefully.

"I want you to stay." You turned all the liquid that was still in your glass at once, "But I don't want to talk", you finished, making a face while feeling the liquid go down your throat.

"Ooookay, I'll stay, but can I just ask you to take it easy with the drink?" He said taking the glass of whisky out of your hand and placing it on top of the counter beside you.

You chuckled and agreed, "Do you want to take a shower? I have some big t-shirts that should fit you, and I have some brief boxers too, which I like to wear to sleep... it must be a little tight but-"

"Do you wear brief boxers?" Phillip cut you off, holding back laughter.

"Hey, it's comfortable to sleep! I like it!" You patted his arm playfully and he stroked the place, pretending it hurt.

He was making you laugh. You had forgotten how fun he was with so much going on in your mind. You missed being with him as you used to, when you went to the beach, rode a bicycle and watched princesses movies together. It was completely different now, but somehow it made sense and it looked even better.

It was all really fast, but maybe, that's how it should be. Maybe it wasn't even that fast, considering the time you've known each other and the moment that's happening. Will you be one of those people who meet at the wrong time, then meet again at the right time?

While Phillip was showering, you can't help but get lost in those thoughts. You also remembered what Dakota said, about the 'process' of discovering who you are. Until a while ago, you were willing not to get involved with anyone more than once. Then, after Jacob's call, when you were in the construction company's parking lot, you came to the conclusion that it didn't matter to repeat the figure because you were willing to be a bitch, or a cold-hearted slut, just like Phillip called you - now this sound funny. But now, honestly? You have no idea what you want. You feel good with him and you just don't want to let this go. It's simple.

Maybe it's not about becoming something or ceasing to be something, maybe it's about becoming what you were once again. Maybe it's about getting back to who you were before they broke your heart. Maybe finding yourself means returning to yourself and remembering who you were before your world turned upside down. Maybe it's about "trust in your process"... That's what they say out there, isn't it?

You were changing clothes to a nightgown that was more comfortable, since it was Sunday, you feel kind of lazy and you didn't intend to go out anymore.

Phillip came out of the bathroom with your box brief and you held a laugh in your throat, when he entered your room wearing only this - which was definitely tight.

"Okay, now it's my turn to say, _you look very sexy in this_ ," you couldn't help but laughed as you spoke.

"Oh, come on... I'm always sexy, it's natural. Anything I wear just complements it." Phillip said leaning against the doorframe trying to make a sexy pose.

You rolled your eyes playfully and smiled in response as you sat on the edge of the bed to look at him better.

"Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about... You know exactly how it feels to be _sexy_ all the time." He said as he walked towards you and stood in front of you, between your legs, playing with the strap of your nightgown.

You looked up at him through your eyelashes and saw him licking his lips at you. Regardless of the small underwear he was wearing, which made everything funny, you concentrated on admiring his body for a moment. He was so massive and huge and big and all, with defined thighs, broad sholders and strong arms.

You can't help but run a hand down his torso, feeling his muscles that instantly turned you on.

Seeing his cock start to harden with your touch, you decided to play a little. You start to lower your hand until you reach the waistband of the briefs and you started playing with it, like he was playing with the strap of your nightgown.

"As sexy as you are with this, I think I prefer you with nothing at all..." You whispered, looking innocently at him while slowly lowering the fabric a little.

"You know... I was going to say the same thing..." He replied by slowly lowering the strap over your shoulder.

"You already took care of me yesterday, let me take care of you now..." licking your lips, you got up slowly, and started moving your hands over his body once again, standing on tiptoe to nibble on his ear and his neck as you whispered again, "let me make you feel good, big boy..."

"Oh fuck..." Phillip murmured as you watched him close his eyes, looking forward to the next moments.

You started kissing him on the neck, on the chest, touching the other parts of his body slowly and continued to descend with these caresses until you knelt in front of him.

But, you haven't touched his dick yet. You were exploring the whole surrounding region first, with touches, kisses and licks.

Kissing his groin, and looking up to catch his reactions, you started to take the brief off slowly, and went on with kisses as you made it way to the floor, in the middle of his legs, thighs, knees. Until you went up again, running your hands maliciously close to his dick, and down his ass, touching his balls very lightly, without haste.

"Fuck Y/N, you're driving me crazy baby...", Phillip growled, looking down at you, breathing heavily, interlacing his fingers with the hair on the back of your neck, to try to guide you where he wanted your mouth to be.

It was arousing to see him in a hurry, crazy for you to suck him soon.

Giving him a minute of control, you let him guide you, but started to lick down on him first, gently, going up and down with your tongue, moistening his length with you saliva.

And instead of going up to the head, you went down even more, to his balls, enjoying watching him melt down completely by your touch. You put his balls in your mouth, one at a time, and started making slowly circles with your tongue.

Phillip threw his head back and was hissing curses, while nervously stroking your hair, clearly losing track of how much longer he was going to put up with this game.

Licking up slowly again, you pulled your face away before reaching the head and started to stroke the length with your hands up and down, "Do you like this?"

"Oh fuck yes..." Phillip replied with his eyes closed.

"Do you want me to put all in my mouth?" you smirked, surprised at yourself for the things you were doing... but fuck, you were having fun.

This made him open his eyes and look at you, smiling devilish when he saw the dirty face you were making.

"Oh baby, holy shit yes" Phillip hissed, breathing through his mouth, between sawn teeth.

And you did. You started sucking his dick like your life depended on it. And looking at his face, seeing the horny expressions he was doing, it got you even more turned on, and you dropped a hand to your clit and started playing with it, making quick circles.

Phillip started to lose control after he saw you touch yourself and tightened his grip on your hair, starting to push his hips along with your movements faster, fucking your mouth hard.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes" Phillip hissed between breaths, until he couldn't take it anymore.

Suddenly, he pulled you by the hair and before throwing you on the bed, he grunted, "Get on all fours".

And once again, you did. You felt Phillip climbing on the bed and positioning himself behind you, and when you looked over your shoulder at him, he was quickly stroking his dick, before starting to run his cock through your folds.

"Fuck, you're so wet," he hissed, grunting and taking a deep breath through his teeth, before finally pressed himself inside you.

"Phil, oh fuck," you whimpered for the new sensation, feeling it slide easily inside your cunt from your wetness.

He started to thrust in and out of you in a slow but delicious pace, making you moan as if you were fucking singing.

Until he pulled you by the hair, making your back meet his chest, and he increased his pace, moving one hand to your hips, guiding you to slam onto him harder, while the other found your bouncing tits, stroking them hard.

"F-fuck, Phillip, I-I-, hmmm yessss" you stuttered as everything grew more intense and you threw your head back, resting on his shoulder and moaning audibly for the strong pleasure of the moment.

"Yeah, scream my fucking name," he breathed in your ear, "You - _fuck_ \- feel so fucking good".

You knew you were already close and everything intensified even more when he started to fuck you with even harder, making you whine a sequence of _'fucks'_ in a shaky voice. And when he dropped his hand to your clit and started playing with it, the sensation was even more exacerbated, and it was too much, too fucking much.

"Phil, I'm so close" you whispered between wheezing breaths. You grabbed his arm that worked on your clit, digging your nails into the skin, losing any sense of palpable control.

"Cum for me. Cum on my cock."

Phillip was thrusting without mercy and you moaned and screamed intelligible sounds. You barely realized the exact moment, but you started to cum uncontrollably on his dick. Your whole body was shaking, the feeling was like you could break his arm at any moment, so tight that your grip was, due to the pleasure he was giving you.

You cried your orgasm while you felt Phillip come right behind you, and he continued to thrust through both your orgasms, while grunting your name in your ear.

Phillip took it from you, letting you fall gently on the sheets and he lay down beside you, while you two were catching your breaths.

"Fuck... that was the best blowjob of my life." Phillip murmured, breaking the silence.

You laughed without turning your body to him, your laughter coming out along with your breathing that was still stabilizing, "I confess I had never been so excited about doing a blowjob."

You guys laughed some more, until you were lying next to each other, sprawled on the bed, looking at the ceiling, in silence.

When your breathing returned to normal, you heard your cell phone vibrate again on the nightstand. You leaned over to see who it was and again... Jacob.

"Oh come on..." You muttered before returning your head back to the pillow, taking a deep breath and massaging your eyes and then your temples with your hands.

You felt Phillip move on the bed and when you looked at him, he was already looking at you, positioned on one elbow with his body turned towards you. Once again, watching you.

"Just to remind you that I'm here and always will be, regardless of anything." Phillip said with a smile and a kind expression.

"Sorry, I have trust issues." The words came out quickly, before you thought, with an immense desire to explain everything to him, to open up to him.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just know that you're not alone." Phillip leaned a hand over your face to caress your cheek with his thumb.

For a few moments you let yourself be carried away by the affection and leaned over to kiss him. Slow and wet. It was not desperate and hungry as before. You were just enjoying his company, his touch and his kiss. 

You broke the kiss and smiled at him, "Thank you." Phillip made that silly face that you love and you just didn't want to lie to him. Nor omit anything. He was always good for you, there is no reason why you should hide things from him...

You took a deep breath and gave in to the desire to continue, "It's my ex. Jacob. He lied to me. He cheated on me a few months ago. And now he's trying to get close again. But I can't... I can't forgive him. He hurt me in a way I will never forget. But at the same time, I feel like this is holding me back, preventing me from moving on all this time. And now he's back... trying to get back to my life again and I don't know how to react or what to feel." Tears streamed from your eyes and you let them. It was strange to open up to him like that but at the same time, it was liberating to finally talk about it with someone. As if a weight has dropped from your shoulders.

"Hey kiddo, it's okay, you'll be fine." Phillip pulled you close and hugged you tight. You felt safe. At that time, you were safe. Was it all messy and fast and scary? yeah. But you just wanted to embrace that uncertainty, at least during that embrace. No walls of yours has broken, but they shudder every time you're with Phillip. Even more in moments like this, that you feel comfortable to be vulnerable like never before. Now that nothing is certain, everything is possible.

"I feel like... If I find out that someone is lying to me again, I just... I couldn't take it... I couldn't stand another betrayal." you whispered the last part.

Phillip hesitated. He _is_ lying to you. Tracy wasn't just his therapist, they became engaged. "Engaged to be Engaged", but still. And he cheated on Tracy when he was with her. He's everything you can't stand, a liar and a traitor. But he can't tell you that now. Not now that he is discovering your pains. Your most hidden and dark places. Not to mention that Tracy is dating your father. Your dad also didn't know Tracy before, because he was out of town during Mort's Shiva. No one needs to know that. Not even...

He didn't answer. He just hugged you tighter.

"And why didn't my dad tell me he was dating before? Why did he omit that?" You broke the hug to look at him, "You know her, right? She was what, your therapist? What do you think of her? She's pretty, of course, but she's a nice person? What do you know about her? What if she ends up cheating on my dad just like- "

"Hey, stop. Forget this," Phillip interrupted you, "He was probably waiting for the right time to tell you, okay? You just came back, the move, new job, new life... He was waiting for you to adapt first, so he could tell you this news. " Phillip said with certainty. You could barely imagine the internal battle he was facing. "And um... She... She's cool. She won't do that."

"You must be right." You murmured, looking down and taking a deep breath.

Phillip hugged you again and started swinging you around and around jokingly, "And... I swear if I ever see this asshole, I'll beat the shit out of him in a way that he will never fucking disturb you again."

You giggled at his phrase and moved away from him just a little, so you could look him in the eye, "You are amazing... Thanks again."

Phillip knew he needed to tell you the truth ASAP or hide it from you forever. At that moment, he opted for the second option.

"I know." He said playfully, rolling his eyes at you, "And you don't have to thank me. I mean, you can thank me with a blowjob like this whenever you feel like it, that I won't complain about you know..."

"You are such an idiot!" You said jokingly and threw yourself on top of him, making him fall with his back on the bed while you straddled him and started tickling him.

You were both laughing and having fun until your phone started ringing again. You didn't give a damn at first, but a few seconds later when you saw that the person wasn't going to give up, you reached out to pick up the phone again and see who it was. And guess what?

"Unfuckingbelievable!" You shouted.

"Is it your ex's asshole again? Give me that fucking phone here," Phillip said, leaning on his elbows and taking your cell phone. And he answered.

"Listen, you fucking asshole, I'll warn you only once, if you call my girl again, I swear I will find you, and I will kick your fucking ass, your motherfucker, piece of shit!"

And with that, Phillip threw your phone on the bed and lay back with his head on the pillow, as if he had done nothing.

"What the fuck was that?" You tried to ask seriously but couldn't hide the smile on your face.

"What?" Phillip asked, placing his hands on your thighs.

"I mean, I definitely wasn't expecting this..."

"Well, I don't think he will disturb you anymore..."

"You are an idiot, you know that?" You smiled at him.

"Yeah, I really am..." He replied, moving his hands up on your thighs and and smiling with that silly way of him to you.

You leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "What do you think... about us... stop talking about him... and" You started in a very sensual voice, kissing his neck in every pause, while you felt his hands go up to your ass, " _Watch-a-disney -princess-movie_?", that last part you spoke very quickly.

"Oh are you kidding me???" Phillip managed to throw you on the bed and now he was on top of you tickling you. And kissing you and caressing you... And tickling you again. Really, what an idiot.

You were happy as you haven't been for a long time now. Yeah, you were definitely safe.


	6. Bad memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepless, you decided to go to the roof and look at the stars, something that you often did at your father's house, when you were younger. Lying there, looking at the sky, breathing fresh air, feeling the nature, it was helping to clear your mind. You didn't want to suffer any more for that. He doesn't deserve you and it's not your fault. When the sun comes up, you will have your head up. Focused on your work again.

Monday.

Your Sunday was great. You spent the whole day having sex, eating fast food and watching movies with Phillip. You haven't returned to the chaotic subjects 'Jacob' or 'Your Father is Dating'.

But now that last topic will be inevitable, since you are entering the construction company. Phillip left your place last night, because he would have to wake up early, to close a deal for his brothers, with an investor for the Altman's Store.

Before you can reach your office, the secretary tells you that your father is waiting for you in his office. You stop by your own to leave your things and go get a coffee before going to him. You already know what the subject will be, so you aren't in any hurry to get there. You decided that you will hear what he has to say, not least because, you don’t rule his life. And, Phillip said that Tracy is a good person and that you had nothing to worry about, and since you believe in him, you will try - try - not to get involved in this story.

Arriving at your father's office, you see him sitting on the chair behind his desk, talking on the phone. He didn't realize you came in.

_"Yeah, my daughter is one of the best architects in my company. She's dedicated and eager to learn."_

You frowned and tilted your head to the side, trying to understand what the matter was and who your father was talking to.

_"She's still young but she has some experiences, she studied abroad, did some internships and now she's working with me here, on one of the biggest projects of my company at the moment. She's responsible for the renovation of one of the biggest stores here in our city and the customers are very satisfied."_

Listening to your father tearing praise at you wasn't exactly what you were expecting when you walked into his office.

_"Y/N is my chosen one for this and it's not because she is my daughter. It's because I am sure she is the best choice."_

_"Mhm, yes. Okay."_

_"Well, I can't wait. I'll see you in a few hours so. Bye."_

Your father hung up the phone and turned the chair over. When he saw you, he smiled from ear to ear and stood up, coming towards you.

"Hey sweetheart, I was waiting for you." He hugged you and you hugged him back, while you still had a confused expression, "I have great news, take a sit, please."

He went back to his place and you sat on the chair in front of him, across his desk.

"Sooo... what happened?" You asked curious, resting your hands on your lap.

"Today I will sign a contract with a famous major company." It was a long time since you saw your father so excited, "Nothing more, nothing less than T&L Architects and Urban Planners."

You froze. T&L Architects and Urban Planners had branches in numerous places around the globe, New York, London, Zurich, Amsterdam, Berlin, Paris, Rio de Janeiro, among others. And... This is the company that Jacob worked for. At least as far as you knew. When Jacob was hired, he was at the Holand branch, where you two met and studied together.

It was one of the most popular construction companies in the world and it would certainly be a big deal to sign a contract with them.

"Wow... this is... incredible." You replied half anesthetized by the new news, "I just don't understand... What kind of contract are you going to close with them? What kind of... project? And why were you talking about me on the phone?" You let go of all the questions at once, it was too much to process with so little information.

"Well, they're going to make a corporate building here in downtown of our city. A wealthy businessman contacted them and they were interested in investing. They needed a construction company around here to collaborate on the project and... we were the lucky ones." You had the feeling that your father's face would blast off a muscle at any moment, from smiling so much.

"And it looks like they like to invest in the new generation too. So, they wanted me to nominate one of my _best_ and _youngest_ employee to be the project's assistant executive architect," Your father leaned forward, his elbows on the desk and the hands crossed, looking you right in the eye before continuing, "And I chose you."

You were speechless. It was a feeling that you couldn't put into words. You were trying to create space within yourself for this new experience. It was scary, but exciting.

Also, it wasn't as if your father's construction company had many _new_ or _young_ architects, except for the interns. Most were architects who had worked with him for years and none were under forty.

Perhaps, it’s the universe building you. You deserve it. You have always dedicated yourself and had the best grades, you love your profession and this opportunity is fantastic, and it wouldn't have come to you, if not been for _your_ effort. You focused so much on studying and working when bad things happened, that you’re now reaping the rewards of it. Even because, your father also wouldn't have hired you just because you're his daughter, if he didn't believe that you're good enough.

You felt happiness invade your body as your record fell from the meaning of it. Powerful things happen when you focus on reaching your goal. Perhaps this is your process. And if it is, you're already in love with it.

"Dad... I... I don't even know what to say... This is wonderful." You spoke slowly, still processing the news.

"You deserve it dear. I want to make it very clear, that it's not because you are my daughter. It's because you are capable. You have dedicated yourself for years and now you are reaping what you deserve." Your father said, holding your hand and smiling at you. "I'm proud of you."

"But... what if... what if I can't do it? I mean, this is too big, I never-" you started freaking out every moment that more reality sank into you more and more, but your father interrrupted you.

"Hey, you will not be alone and it will be a great experience. I will be with you all the time. And later, one of the CEOs of T&J will arrive for a meeting to sign the contract and to present who will be their assistant, who will stay in the city to work with us on the project representing them, since the CEO cannot stay permanently during the works. But he will come from time to time to see the progress of it." Your dad explained to you to calm you down.

Until one more realization hit your mind. Jacob was from the Holand branch...

"Dad, which T&J branch wants to close this deal with us?" You asked nervously.

"New York." He replied calmly.

Relief coursed through your veins. Less bad. You can barely imagine how horrible it would be to have to work with Jacob, if that possibility even exists. But it makes you nauseous just to imagine.

You keep talking about it for a while and your dad updated you on everything he already knew about the project. You would be his assistant for T&J, which in this case, from what he's explaining, would be more protagonist than supporting. You were going to be the assistant who faces the possible decisions of the project, and would bring the options for your father to give the final hammer together with the CEO of T&J, who will have his assistant to do the same job as you for him. And you could choose another architect at the construction company to be your assistant in the Altman's project.

You were nervous, it was the first time that you would have two big projects to deal with. But knowing that your father would be with you, seeing you more as a competent architect than as a daughter at that time, was anesthetizing your nervousness.

As the subject was dying, you were remembering the other subject. Tracy. You didn't know if it was time to put a deep subject on the agenda, as you barely processed the first one, but anything was better than keep brooding over it later.

"Dad, I know this might not be the time, but can we talk about... Tracy?" You asked carefully.

"Sure. What do you want to know?" He was smiling.

"Are you... Are you in love with her?" You took a deep breath to wait for the answer.

"I'm happy. Falling in love... maybe, yes." The way he responded it, seemed like he just realized it too.

"Just... be careful, okay? I don't want to see you suffer... again. Don't give yourself away completely. At least not right away." You tried to advise him.

"Sweetheart... I know that two months is a short time, mainly because of the amount of experience I have with relationships in my life," he paused to snort a smile, "but... she makes me feel things that I didn't believe in anymore."

He was silent for a few seconds, while you looked at him waiting for him to continue and he was looking for the right words in his mind.

"I'm afraid to get involved, yes, I'm not going to lie. But, that fear just doesn't control me anymore. In fact, nothing controls me, not everything needs a plan. I mean... why not, you know? Sometimes you just need to let go and see what happens. She made me realize that I should believe in the magic of new beginnings. Close my eyes to the old endings and open my heart. Let my walls fall. And I want to enjoy every second of it... with her. It's a bond, a bond that I haven't felt in a long time. Maybe I never felt. I just couldn't let it go because of fear. "

You were once again speechless and it wasn't even ten in the morning yet. Your father never really opened up to you so genuinely and you felt honored for that. He was happy. You don't have to worry about anything else. You were just happy for him too.

"That was... beautiful dad. Thank you for sharing that." You smiled.

Everything he said makes sense. A lot of sense. In fact, it fits perfectly with the way you should think. You thought of Phillip. In the connection that you created, in the deep intimacy that you shared involuntarily. It just... happened. And you had the feeling that you didn't want to - or even could - let it go.

You thought about telling him about Phillip, in this opening moment to share feelings and fears. But you didn't think it was a good ideia. Even because, you don’t even know what’s going on between you two. But what your father told you, certainly made you feel less afraid of feeling whatever it is. Just let it be... Without advancing or postponing anything. At the right time, everything adjusts.

After another time talking to him, you went back to your office to work. You felt a need to call Phillip to tell him the news, but you thought he might be busy working, or even find you a little desperate to call so early, since you guys spent the whole Sunday together and have literally less than twelve hours that you were with him. If you send any message now, it will seem that you were missing him. _What you_ _weren't_. _Not even_.

You decided to focus on the work and revised some final details of the Altman’s project, since the work was going to start today.

A few hours passed and you were concentrating on reviewing floor plans when your phone buzzed on your desk. You went to see what it was about, and it was a message from Phillip.

_"Hey princess. I closed a deal with the investor! More Altmans Stores will be around for my favorite architect to design ;) Shall we celebrate later?"_

You found yourself smiling at the phone when reading the message. You were proud of him for doing this alone, since you knew that his brothers didn't put much faith in him. It seems that he finally had a chance to prove otherwise. Not to mention that he made your fear of sharing _your_ good news and sending a message dissipate with it.

_"That's great Phil! I also have good news, the construction company is going to close a deal to build a corporate building downtown... and guess who will be the assistant executive architect? :)"_

You were biting your lower lip trying to suppress the smile that was already making your jaw hurt.

_"That’s my girl, I'm so proud of you! We definitely need to celebrate. I'll pick you up at eight. Wear something sexy ;)"_ he send.

_"And can I ask you... not to wear a belt? I'm going to use something easy to take of too... ;)"_ you flirted, even because, why not?

_"Your wish is an order that I gladly obey... And can I ask what your plans are with that?"_

_"Maybe my mouth is eager to suck something of yours again..."_

You sat down and leaned back in your chair to wait for Phillip's answer. You saw him typing and typing and typing... but nothing came. You thought someone might have called him and he got busy. You decided to drop your cell phone and go back to your floor plans.

Before you got there, your cell phone buzzed again and you ran to see it. Maybe the urgency to see his answer was kind of pathetic, but you didn't give a damn.

It was a picture.

Phillip was sitting in what you thought was an office chair, with open pants showing the head of his dick out of his underwear. He was hard. It made you wet your panties.

_"Ready for you princess..."_

Resolving to answer with a photo too, you opened the first buttons of your dress shirt and exposed your tits well in the cups of your bra, pressing your arms together, biting your bottom lip in a very sexy way.

_"Can not wait..."_

You sent it and when you were adjusting yourself again, there was a knock at your door.

"Ugh, come on in!" you yelled after adjusting your shirt.

It was the secretary.

"Miss Y/N, just to let you know that the CEO and his assistant have already arrived and are waiting for you with your father in the meeting room." She explained.

"Hm, okay, I'm going, thanks." You answered and she closed the door.

_"I would love to continue with more photos and dirty talks, but work calls me. Time to close the deal. See you later, big boy..."_

You sent the message and the lust that you were feeling whithin, was slowly replaced by the nervousness of facing what was waiting for you.

_"Break a leg, beautiful. Believe in yourself. See you ;)"_

Once again, you smiled at your phone. Everything was fine with Phillip. Everything was fine with your father. Everything was great in your professional life. You can do that.

After going to the restroom to take a last look in the mirror to see if you were presentable - which you were, since today you unintentionally decided to choose a beige suit with a white glued top, green pantaloon pants and high heels - before heading towards the meeting room.

You were just smiles when you got to the door. Confident, believing that you were talented and intelligent and deserving of that spot. You were in control.

Until you opened the door and entered the room. Your smile disappeared, your heart sped up, your throat dried up, your breathing stopped and you thought you were going to be sick.

When the three men in the room turned to you, all these sensations intensified. Which managed to sharpen themselves even more, when you made eye contact with a particular person. You thought you were going to pass out. Your nightmare has become real. Jacob was in the room.

Your father came towards you, took your sweaty hands in his and whispered to you, "I'm sorry about that, I didn't know. We can give up-"

Slowly, you turned your attention to your father's face, and interrupted him. Of course, he didn't know. But what he didn't know too, was that this was the first time you had seen Jacob since when you saw him fucking another woman from behind. And your father did not know that detail either. He knew that Jacob had cheated on you, but not how.

"I-it's okay. I can handle this." You whispered back.

You swallowed hard and nodded to your father to continue with the introductions. You were hyperventilating and your lips were trembling slightly but you were trying to hold the wave. You weren't going to let Jacob ruin anything else in your life.

"So, Edward, this is my daughter, Y/N. My chosen one." You forced a smile and tried to hide all your resentments and hurt that surfaced in your throat, by shaking the hand of the CEO of T&J Architects and Urban Planners of New York.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I heard a lot about you." Edward replied, shaking your hand.

"The pleasure is all mine." You said in a slightly shaky voice. Your organs, your veins, your muscles, everything inside you was shaking and it was taking a huge effort to maintain your composure externally.

"Well, as your father must have already explained to you, T&J likes to invest in the new generation of architects around the world. I'm very happy to have you with us, since everyone praises your dedication and work. This is Jacob Miller, my representative, but I know that you guys already met in college. He spoke very well about you, that you were always an exceptional student." Edward continued.

It took you by surprise. You didn't expect Jacob to praise you to his boss, you never imagined that there would be such a possibility at some point in your life for this to happen.

"Ugh, thanks Jacob." You said cordially, without looking directly at the said person. "He was always very good as well."

Apparently, Jacob said that you guys met and that's it. Not what you guys were. Nor what happened next.

"Well, I'm glad that you guys already know each other. It makes things easier, as you're going to spend a lot of time together now." Edward seemed genuinely happy about it. Little does he know, that you never made so much internal effort to smile and nod your head.

When you had the courage to make eye contact with Jacob again, it looked like his eyes were begging for forgiveness. You could see regret in his soul. But it didn't shake a wall around your heart.

Everyone sat down and the conversation continued. It went from informal to formal in a few minutes and you kept your focus on Edward, who was explaining how the project process would be.

It would be a thirty-storey building, located in a mixed area of downtown where all surveys have already been carried out. They had some references and some sketches of what they were expecting for the building. There would be a few more architects, engineers, interior designs, urban planners and calculators involved. But you and Jacob would be the heads, following the orders of their superiors, in that case, Edward and your father.

You were terrified. This was giant. But at the same time, very excited. It's a great opportunity for your career.

Everyone signed the contract and shook hands. You were restless throughout the meeting, trying to ignore the looks that Jacob was giving you. There was a cloud of tension over your heads all the time, in which Edward was completely outside and your father partially outside. Only you and Jacob were really aware of the weight of this encounter.

In the end, you asked your father for the rest of the day off, after this inconvenient encounter that you would need to adapt to, as it will happen very often, and your father agreed without hesitation.

Edward went to your father's office for a few more details and Jacob was released.

When you reached your car in the parking lot, after passing in your office to pick up your things, Jacob was leaning against a car that you supposed to be his, a gray porch, just like Phillip's.

You made eye contact for a few seconds, while you involuntarily slowed your steps down to that. But you soon regained consciousness and strode to your car, which was a few other cars away from his.

When you opened your back door to throw your things, you felt his presence approach. You shut your eyes and took a deep breath.

"Don't." you spoke before turning around and seeing him staring at you.

"We need to talk about this, please." Jacob started.

"You do your job. I do my job. And we only speak when it is undoubtedly necessary. The end." You said confidently, in a stern voice.

"You know this is not gonna work." Jacob was about two meters away from you, but you could feel his urge to get closer. It was just like the urgency that you were feeling to get away as quickly as possible.

"Well, then I'll let you know when I have a few free minutes for us to split tasks." You said, opening your car door ready to leave.

"Y/N... I tried to warn you. I was transferred to New York about two months ago. I called you countless times and you didn't answer me or-" he interrupted himself, when apparently another thought took over from his mind, "Are you dating someone? Who was that guy who answered the phone that day?"

"It's none of your fucking business, Jacob. Our relationship here is strictly professional. Don't exceed my boundaries, I'm sure you know what they are." You hissed each word through clenched teeth, nostrils puffed and jaw set.

With that you put one leg inside your car, but before you could sit in the driver's seat, Jacob reached out and grabbed you by the arm.

"Let. Me. Go." You whispered with hatred.

"Staying away from you all this time was horrible. But being close to you and not being able to touch you, is torture." Jacob whispered in your hair, still holding your arm, which was pressed against his chest. Eyes closed, trying to capture your essence that he hadn't felt in so long.

"Jacob, this is not the time or place for this. Let me go. Now."

Your walls shook. But not because you still liked him, or missed him. But because there, at that moment, you realized that it was really all an illusion. You fell in love, it was intoxicating, you really thought it was him. Merged souls. You thought you would never be alone again. But what you got was a brutally broken heart and then you felt more alone than ever. You were shattered. And there is no turning back.

"My God, it's so difficult not to be with you, you look so beautiful... Let's do this together baby, as we always dreamed of." Jacob started to kiss your neck and let go of your arm so that his hand could slid down your back. You remained like a statue, breathing heavily, realizing that the hands that you once craved for, not only didn't make sense to touch you anymore, but it also made you want to rip your skin off.

You steped away slowly. You took his hands off your body. You looked him in the eye.

"You lost me, Jacob. It's too late." you whispered wistfully before getting in the car and leaving, without looking back.

You cried the whole way home. You fell in some holes in the road and passed a traffic light, because of the blurred vision, making you win a few honks. You didn't give a damn about it. You needed to cry for Jacob one last time, among so many that have happened before.

You'll have to get used to seeing his face daily. The face of a person that once you loved with all your being. It's sad. You could be happy now, knowing that you were finally going to be able to work together. But it's just... sad.

Arriving home, you were no longer in the mood to go out. You took a shower, opened a bottle of sauvignon blanc and started looking for a movie on netflix. It was almost time to go out with Phillip and you decided to call him to let him know that you would need to reschedule your dinner.

"Hm, hey Phil, good night..."

"Hi princess, why that voice? What's wrong?" Phillip asked.

"It's nothing... I just have a headache, I'm not too good to go out." You murmured, looking around your empty house, while you were sitting on the sofa in the living room.

"Hm..." He paused, "Okay... So, tomorrow? Could it be tomorrow?" Phillip says in a disappointed voice.

"Sure. Tomorrow." You were a little disappointed too. You thought he was going to insist that you guys go out or say that he was going to stop by your place to see you. But not. Today is really you and yourself.

You both said your goodnights and hung up the phone. You barely noticed but you finished with an entire bottle of wine and ended up dozing on the sofa. When you went to see the time, it was already 3AM. You felt lonely.

Sleepless, you decided to go to the roof and look at the stars, something that you often did at your father's house, when you were younger. Lying there, looking at the sky, breathing fresh air, feeling the nature, it was helping to clear your mind. You didn't want to suffer any more for that. He doesn't deserve you and it's not your fault. When the sun comes up, you will have your head up. Focused on your work again.

Your thoughts were divided between believing that everything was going to be okay, because you had already experienced this anxiety before and survived, and that maybe this time you won't survive, maybe now the urge to fall apart was even stronger.

Until you felt something hit you. Again. And again.

"What the fuck" you mumbled to yourself.

You sat up to look down. It was Phillip.

You forgot everything that was torturing you before. It was instantaneous. Phillip was at your door, at 3:27 in the morning, hitting little pebbles at your window - which hit you, but still - whispering your name.

"What the fuck are you doing there at this hour?" Phillip mumbled a little louder when he saw you.

"I was going to ask the same question to you?" You murmured back.

"Can I come in?" He answered you with another question.

You rolled your eyes, "There's a key under the rug."

Now he rolled his eyes, "This is too predictable for you." And after that, he was gone.

And he reappeared with those huge legs passing through your window, to join you on the roof, sitting next to you, your shoulders touching.

"Wow, this is a beautiful view." He broke the silence, looking around.

He achieved the feat of being even more beautiful in the moonlight. He was wearing a black v-neck shirt, cotton pants, socks and slippers. Messy hair. Sleepy face. It made you smile. The first smile you gave in some hours. To think that before seeing Jacob, your face was aching from smiling so much.

"It's a beautiful neighborhood, I think." You murmured, looking ahead again.

"Not as beautiful as you." He said looking back at you.

"This is so cliche." You mocked him, smiling.

He smiled back. And then, it was silent for a few minutes. And it was good. It wasn't embarrassing or anything, it was just a comfortable silence. You felt no longer alone.

"What happened?" Phillip questioned without looking at you.

"Jacob. I'm going to have to work with him." You whispered sadly. Every time you think about it, it hurts, but talking out loud makes it even worse.

Phillip turned to look at you. "Have you seen him yet?"

You just nodded your head.

Silence again.

"What are you doing here?" You broke the silence this time.

"I missed you. A little." He sneered at you now, whispering the last part.

"Idiot." You nudged him in the rib lightly.

You guys smiled and looked at each other. He broke eye contact after a few seconds and you saw the smile dissipate from his face, making the dimples disappear. You frowned.

"What's it?"

"Do you still love him?" Phillip whispered, as if he didn't want to, but he needed to know the answer. You looked at each other again and now you broke the gaze, looking back at the stars.

Taking a deep breath, you started, "At the time, I still had hopes. But I already realized that I was fighting alone. I just... didn't want to believe it."

Phillip was watching you, watching your eyes start to fill with tears.

"I caught him in the act, fucking another woman. She was moaning his name. In the bed I thought, we had made love the night before. And so many other times previously." You paused when the tears started to fall. "I never felt so broken in my life. It was painful. Every part of my body hurted. It felt like more pained than a broken arm or something."

You were already a mess at that point, sobbing, tears falling on your shirt.

Phillip hugged you. "Hey, you don't have to tell me that. It will only serve to open the wound further."

"I isolated myself. But eventually, it passed. The pain. Not the regret." You paused again, feeling Phillip's fingers run across your cheeks, wiping your tears, "That day, I went to celebrate because he had got exactly the same job I got today. The fate is so ironic..."

"The wound reopened in moment I saw him in front of me." You looked at him again, "This was the first time I talked about this to anyone. Thanks for listening to me."

"Thanks for trusting me enough to open up to me." Phillip said with a smile.

You smiled back and sighed "... so no. I don't love him anymore."

"Can I beat the fuck out of him until he gives up his job?" Phillip said lying you on the roof, and leaning over you by your left, on one elbow.

"I can handle this... But thanks." You said laughing.

"Of course you can..." Phillip whispered husky and leaned over to kiss you. The making out session on the roof was warming up until you felt numb from being so horny. Wet kisses, hands running all over your body with no final destination. He caressed your tits, your belly, your thighs, your pussy. You wanted him to stop there, but when you started to whimper, he started all the way again. Until he moved to stay on top of you.

"No, no, no, no way i'm going to fuck on the roof, I don't want to be kicked out of the neighborhood." You said adjusting and taking Phillip off of you.

"Hey, where's that woman I fucked in the office?" He made fun of you, taking your hand and placing it on his hard dick, covered by his cotton pants, "I'm not wearing a belt... and nothing else under those pants either." Phillip hissed hotly in your ear, making you whimper.

"Today I prefer... to be fucked senseless... on a bed." You pulled away and smiled, getting up to go back to your room.

"Your wish is an order that I gladly obey, ma'am." Phillip replied, going after you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outfit:   
> https://br.pinterest.com/pin/816699713676399060/

**Author's Note:**

> This is the outfit idea I propose for the reader's first day at work:  
> https://pin.it/1GNTc84
> 
> What I thought about the meeting room is something like this:  
> https://pin.it/1suylal
> 
> And what I imagined for the building's facade with parking in front:  
> https://pin.it/1n8mpVu
> 
> The smut will come in the next chapter (sorry) and will be posted real soon! :)


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